A counselor sees relief for families
Welcome to “First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery” from Al-Anon Family Groups. This podcast will discuss a professional’s concern for families who have been affected by a loved one’s drinking.
Christine McKaskle is Clinical Coordinator of the Youth Program at Cumberland Heights Alcohol and Drug Treatment Center in Nashville, Tennessee. She has written an article in “Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism 2009,” entitled, “From ‘Family Week’ to family recovery.”
7 Comments on “A counselor sees relief for families”
I thought this was very good for those of us who are just looking to attend their first meeting. She was quite objective, which was good for me.
How do families, especially spouses, deal with a loved one’s consistent relapsing? My husband was sober for 89 days and then relapsed. Was sober 30 days, then relapsed. Then 2 weeks, and relapsed. Then a week–and relapsed.
I’ve learned to love and separate myself. I know that I can love him, but I can live a separate life. But I”m concerned with the financial ramifications. Without his salary, we cannot maintain.
I guess I’m really struggling today because he relapsed last night–causing me to miss my meeting, and my time for recovery. If I hadn’t had the gut feeling that something was wrong, he would have picked up my daughter from the sitter and driven with her. As well as babysat her. Thank the Lord above, I went home prior to my meeting.
I was told by an old friend of my husband’s, who is now a sponsor, to “step over the body.” My husband was sober for 12 years, and now between two rehabilitation centers and a depression clinic I am dealing with continuous relaspes myself.
I refuse to “get happy” when I think he will “get better,” because I am only let down again. I’m tired of crying, worrying, and feeling lonely and sad. I’m afraid of losing my house. Thank God my son is grown and out of the house. Not that this would be anything new to him, but he doesn’t need to see it anymore.
I have absolutely no faith at this point that he will ever stop drinking and be like the rest of his family and drink himself to death. I have never been to an Al-Anon meeting. I have checked into it and know where to go. I just can’t bring myself to it and then I say to myself, “Why do I need to go? Why can’t I just get rid of the problem?” It’s just not that easy, is it?
Just like Starr 419, I have never been to a meeting. I also feel the same way. It’s been 25 long years with this disease, and I feel that I have been an enabler and have not been tough enough on myself or him. I’ve told him countless times, “Watch your drinking. Slow it down. You’ve had enough.” But I have never given him the ultimate choice - me or his beer. But the last few months I’ve told him I’m done and that I can’t handle it anymore. Now he wants help. The emotional scars are unbelieveable. The nasty words, they will never go away. I don’t trust him and the worst part is that neither do our children. I’m just so glad they are here to support me.
They are both adults now and they say, “Mom, why do you put up with Dad’s crap? You’ve threatened to leave him, then you stay. Start thinking about yourself.” My friends and co-workers say the same thing, “How much more can you take?” It certainly is a lonely life, no friends to visit, no family visits, no going out for a nice meal. I can’t even take him to my work Christmas party cause he makes a jerk out of himself and embarrasses me.
I am one of the most happy-go-lucky types and I am so miserable and lonely. I’m sick of crying myself to sleep. I don’t want him to touch me, so then I think I am being a rotten wife. So since I won’t let him touch me, the first thing out of his mouth is, “Are you having an affair?” I’ve had a very successful career and am now on my second career. If I divorce him, he will get half of my retirement and I know he will drink it away. When do the tear ducts dry up? Oh, my God. I’m sad, confused, and not sure what to do.
I just read Patty’s comments and I began to cry. It is a mirror of my own life with the exception that I am not retirement age, under 40, and I have no children. I have been with a man for 8 years who has a serious drinking problem and I have endured verbal abuse and threats of physical for 4 of those 8 years. I did not realize how deep the problem was until we moved in together.
Now I see it day in and day out. Even when he’s sober he is obsessing about drinking, or any little thing will set him off and he will reply “I have to drink.” He drinks untill he is unconscious. He is often violent when he is drunk. I am terrified that he is developing alcoholic psychosis and that one day he will freak out and I will suffer an attack from him that I might not recover from.
I love this man. In fact he is the only man that I have ever truly loved with all my heart, and I still do. I have decided that I need to get out of my current living situation and be on my own, and to find help for myself. But the catch is that I do love him and I don’t want to abandon him or to end our relationship. I want to help him.
I do believe that he is a good man at heart. He is the son of an alcoholic and he was severely abused as child, and that I think he is the way he is because of that. I think he desires to be a better person, but is afraid of change. I don’t know if I should even bother with trying to care for him and about him. I don’t know if I should just move on or try to help him understand. I don’t know if I would just be wasting my time and continuing to be a victim.
My son is an alcoholic and drug addict. We have paid for many treatment programs for him. I am a recovering alcoholic but powerless over my son’s situatuon. He called today. He is homeless and needs money for a hotel.
I am a recovering codependent. My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic and gambler.
I remember as long ago I implored my boyfriend’s brother: please, don’t send him money. Don’t support his illnesses. His comment was: if I don’t send money he will become homeless!
Since we stopped supporting him with money he is recovering.
I don’t say it worked quickly, and what I felt was a nightmare. I was extremely scared. I sweat and I trembled.
The solution was in God’s hands and the support of Al-Anon. Thanks to them!