Al-Anon helps us deal with relapse

Published by at 4:47 pm under Common Concerns

Welcome to “First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery” from Al-Anon Family Groups. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.

Philene, Marianne, and Mike are with us today. All are active Al-Anon members. Today we’re going to talk with people whose loved ones experienced a relapse during their recovery.

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52 comments

52 comments on “Al-Anon helps us deal with relapse”

  1. Mo says:

    My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years now. We have 3 children. He hasn’t been around much of their life. He has been drunk most of the time. He was drinking very heavy and would stay gone for a week at a time and leave me and the kids. I would be sick with worry–Is he with another woman? Is he hurt? Is he in jail?

    I would call everywhere looking for him. He got so bad he would be throwing up blood, peeing on himself, and doing crazy things he says he didn’t realize he was doing. He lied constantly and hid everything he did. He drained bank accounts before bills were paid. I would find myself racing to the bank to get bills paid before he had a chance to rob us. He was verbally mean and would break everything in our home. I told him I couldn’t live that way anymore.

    He quit for almost 5 months this last time, and now he is at it again–lying again, and everything is my fault. I caused this. I’m a bitch with daddy issues and he has done nothing wrong. He doesn’t need a momma. He will do whatever he wants when he wants. He dumps beer on me and calls me names and says I’m a worthless mother. If I leave, he will take the kids.

    I don’t know what to do. I love him. I want our family together, but how do you live this way? How do you ignore it and act like things are ok? I’m constantly walking on egg shells, thinking about every move I make. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do.

  2. KEB says:

    I just found out that my 19-year-old son has relapsed. Not sure when exactly, but his father and I suspected he may be using based on his behavior (funny how that hunch is usually right).

    After getting a possession charge last fall, he agreed to go into rehab. He was there for 10 days, followed by 3 months in a halfway house and then was in 2 different 3/4 houses. While he has worked, the best he did was work for 5-6 weeks and then got fired. That was 3 jobs ago. So his dad and I have been subsidizing his living.

    After him getting fired from the last job, I didn’t pay the weekly rent so he had to leave. I was bothered by his entitled attitude. I don’t expect a bunch of “thank-you’s,” but do expect him to keep a job and make forward progress. After a few days living in his car and his dad returning from vacation, his dad suggested he come live with him and that family under certain conditions–working, stay clean, save money, etc. That was one week ago.

    I discovered today that he withdrew the most recent check he received, which was a few hundred dollars, without any regard to the car insurance that is due or the $1,800 he still owes his grandparents. His dad confronted him and he admitted that yes he cashed the check and was using again.

    I feared this day. He had been sober 6-7 months but does struggle with depression, is immature and still sick. Since he was supposed to be sober as a condition of living at his father’s, he has been kicked out. It breaks my heart and I fear what will happen to him. I think he needs to hit bottom. He has to want to be clean–I don’t think he is ready, even though he has legal ramifications to him relapsing. I wonder if I am doing the right thing by letting him be homeless.

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