How do you deal with unacceptable behavior?

Published by at 11:19 am under Common Concerns

Welcome to “First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery” from Al-Anon Family Groups. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.

Pam, Anna, and Betty are with us today. All are active Al-Anon members who are willing to talk about how they deal with unacceptable behavior.

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304 comments on “How do you deal with unacceptable behavior?”

  1. Darlene says:

    Sometimes he is good, sometimes he just turns on me and the kids. It is like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. I don’t know who is going to show up sometimes.

    It is always my fault and I am always the stupid one. I am so tired of the yelling from him, with him and the kids — there is always anger and yelling. I know I can only change me and and not him, but I just want it to all be better.

    I am worried he is going to lose his job; we can’t leave, we would be broke, the kids would have to leave their home, school and friends. I can’t afford to keep them where they are. Not only would they lose their father, they would lose their home, their school, their way of life. But he may take that away any minute by getting drunk and alienating his boss. It is like Russian roulette and all of us are on the edge.

    Things could be so good if he would stop, go back to being the responsible, kind human being he used to be.

  2. Kay says:

    I am living with an alcoholic. The lies and abuse get me down. He drives while drunk, but says he doesn’t have a problem.

  3. Debra says:

    My husband and I have been married for 37 years. For the last 15 years, he has become a binge-drinker. He has stopped drinking many times. I start to feel like he has it beat and then out of nowhere he’s drunk! He’s never abusive, but he is a staggering, blubbering idiot. There’s no trust or respect left!

    I never know what triggers it. I threaten to leave, he begs me to stay and promises he’ll never drink again. So goes the cycle. I’m trapped!

    I don’t think I have the courage to leave. It would tear our family apart. He promises to go to AA and work the program this time. I want to believe him. I feel like a fool!

  4. Monty says:

    My first step to acknowledging the situation I am in is very much like all the rest. It’s scary and shaming. But as others know, the spiral just gets worse and my boundaries keep getting crossed — so it’s time I stopped accepting it and put some plans and firm boundaries in place, in the knowledge (which I’ll get in time, I hope) that his abusive and drink-driven behaviour is not my fault.

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