One Day at a Time in Al-Anon

Published by at 1:29 pm under Common Concerns

Welcome to “First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery” from Al-Anon Family Groups. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.

Lorraine, Art, and Eileen are with us today. All are active Al-Anon members who are willing to talk with us about one of the basic principles of the Al-Anon program.

How to locate a meeting


58 comments on “One Day at a Time in Al-Anon”

  1. Eve says:

    So, we are separated by states for over a year. He took me to court for our son and won because I left the state with him. Now he has invited me to Disney with my son and stay at my house. But I’m not allowed to go to his house. He yelled at me and hung up on me and said I need help. I’m getting help. Not sure he even knows how he treats me. I deserve better treatment. Strangers treat me better.

  2. Bren says:

    I struggle every day. Our children are grown and we are alone now. I fill my time with positive things. I do love him, but do not respect him. I know that he has to want to change. I have told him if he gets another DUI we are done.

    I take care of all of the finances and have been working hard to get our credit cleared up. I gave in to him wanting things. No more. He is like a child and cannot have a credit card. He wants no involvement in the finances. Our finances were horrible — almost lost our home. He says, oh well, or whatever.

    He gets drunk and stays in his own world. There is no room for anyone else. I know that I love him, but also know that I don’t want to live like this the rest of my life.

  3. LynnR says:

    My first years in Al-Anon were just that, years! Then someone really got me going with the program and the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions! Wow, what a change for my life. I now am studying daily and reading anything and everything that is Conference Approved Literature, and I can honestly say, “Thank you, thank you, thank you for Al-Anon!”

  4. Evelyn B says:

    This is one of the scariest and loneliest journeys I’ve ever undertaken. I have lost my husband of 10 years, first to his addiction and now to his recovery, because he cannot live with my daughter’s addiction.

    So I have lost 2 people I love. However, I now have my 5-year-old granddaughter, since my daughter is not capable of raising her–although most days she thinks she is, even though she makes no sense.

    The baby is the light of my life, so I try to focus on her instead of the unhealthy areas in my life. We all need to keep the faith and be good to ourselves.

  5. tracy says:

    I separated the illness from the person til the devil rose up and said, “You will go insane with him. I won’t let go, I’ll just take two of you.”

    My choice. Take care of my own sanity and that of what’s left of my family.

  6. Sue says:

    For me Al-Anon is about getting the “beam” out of my own eye, no matter what my spouse does. And the result is so much more serenity, freedom and hopefully a relationship with God that comes first.

  7. Jules says:

    Focusing on me, caring for me, caring for someone else rather than my mood swinging, miserable, and emotionally challenging husband. (He is in treatment, but when we get together after a while he starts picking holes in me. I am never good enough, even though I have done everything I can to keep us financially stable and pay for his medical needs. When he came off his Oxycontin 3 years ago he started to drink instead. Some kind of dopamine deficiency, he says. Like that’s an excuse for his behaviour, or that I have to put up with his behaviour).

    Finally he got an impaired/assault ticket and decided to stop boozing. I find his behaviours manipulative/ controlling/ unreasonable. And I hope he gets well, but it will be a very long haul and I have a lot to recover from and to still go through with him recovering. Alcohol pickles the brain and the behaviours and thought patterns become very distorted. Of course, he thinks he’s reasonable?

    I think. Regardless of not being the cause, having control or being unable to cure it, I still have to detach myself from his alcohol self, wet or dry. I feel sad that he has to feel this way, but I realised that I need to be safe and unstressed. Stress is bad for my blood sugars and so I do whatever it takes to get through the day and live in the present, focusing on the things I am grateful for. Breath, my feet, my cute dogs, sunshine, meals, a vacuum cleaner, Netflix, a good day at work, helping others, water, also setting boundaries in place for my own sanity.

    As an older adult I am sad that my husband, who once was a pleasant man, has become the very opposite of that. And the journey he has put us through is pointless and selfish–which of course is what the alcoholic or drug user is, selfish and self centered–and the recovery if successful will take time. How much courage I have to go through this, only God and time will tell. I can forgive him and I do so each time he makes another abusive remark, but now I tell him he’s unreasonable later, when he’s less moody. I pick my moments–after all, we want to win the war, and so I pick my battles carefully.

  8. BeckyG says:

    There are many divorced people in the program–and believe it or not, we are happily divorced.

    Al-Anon does not advocate divorce or not-divorce, but helps a person find support while you do what you need to do.

    For me, I couldn’t live with someone who was actively drinking and drugging–and raise three kids. Things became violent and dangerous, and I had to take him at his word. If he said, “You never know what might happen to you in your sleep,” I had to take that as a serious threat–drunk or not.

    I am, today, a much happier person. I have created a safe space that does not include my ex-husband. He continues to drink and drug, much to the annoyance of doctors and social workers, and has little-to-no contact with his children. The disease of alcoholism steals lives, families, and more. He sadly may be one of those people that “follow the disease into the gates of insanity,” but I don’t have to go with him. Thank you to the Al-Anon program for helping me find my own path

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