What is the First Step in Al-Anon?
Welcome to the last of six Al-Anon Family Group podcasts, especially recorded to introduce you to Al-Anon meetings. Future podcasts will introduce important Al-Anon topics.
Today’s participants will introduce themselves by their first name and tell us what the First Step in Al-Anon is. If they choose to, they may share what the Twelve Steps of Al-Anon have done for them.
53 Comments on “What is the First Step in Al-Anon?”
Thank you so much for these 6 podcasts - I have found them very helpful and informative. I hope the podcasts will continue - perhaps with a podcast for each of the 12 Steps & each of the 12 Traditions - just a thought of mine.
God Bless & thank you! Penny J.
The first step, admitting that I am powerless and that my life had become unmanageable, is a move toward what can be a new life. I did everything in my human power to try and control the alcoholic’s drinking. Nothing worked. The harder I tried, the more he eluded me; thus my life became increasingly unmanageable. When I finally surrendered and admitted I was powerless, I was exhausted, broken, and defeated. Over the days and months, I had lost myself and my own direction because I was trying to control someone else’s. The first step, at last , was recognizing that I had no power over someone’s alcoholism. If I continued to think I did, all I gained was unmanageability. Thank heavens Step One told me I could lay down the burden and rest. Once I realized that I could do nothing about someone else, I then turned my attention to putting my own life back in order. Whew! That was the first step to the new life I have today.
My brothers are at school miles away and i am stuck at home during the holidays with my father who can not stop drinking. It all started when i was about six years old. My mother could not handle it so she started drinking. I was very young so the only thing i could think of doing was acting out in school. My mom kicked my dad out of the house several times. He had just got a new job as a general contractor from someone he had worked with before. That night my dad was arrested for drunk driveing. My mother grandma and i paid bail. After this he was in and out of detox many times but still could not stop drinking. His mom was blameing my mom for his drinking. He fineally realized he needed help and made the long trip to hazelden from chicago. Months latter my dad was back and better than ever. He was in a half way house for a little bit and got to meet some great new freinds. Skip ahead about 4 years). Now at the age of 12 years old in september of 2008 things are not the best but my dads not drinking. I am comeing back from a summer camp in wisconsin. I am happy to be home. My mom comes to pick me up. About half way home i ask how my dad is. And she says he’s drinking again. And belive me a was pissed and sad. He is in detox again a great freind of his from the half way house had taken him in. Ok so long story short he gets out a few days later in early september. Not in october he starts up again and goes for about a week sleeping all day getting very very violent yelling at my mom trying to blame us you know how it goes. Then on my birthday october 8th when i turn 13 (jeff) the guy i told you about before takes him to detox. Now in december i think that he is drinking two days ago it seemed like it. And it’s so sad because whenever he goes to the basement i think he is going to get a drink. Or when he goes out into the garage for no aparent reason. I could go on but there would be alot of little things. If you read this thanks i just wanted to let my feelings out. I feel alot better because of what ive written and these pod castes.
It’s very relieving to know I’m not alone. I’m madly in love with an alcoholic. I met him when he was sober but he relapsed about 6 months into our relationship. Of course I thought I could make it all better for him. I attended meeting with him, would drive him etc etc. He checked into rehab in November and came home about 21/2 weeks ago. I was convinced he was healed. I was wrong. He relapsed again, just before Christmas. He left me Friday night, crashed his car early Saturday morning and got an extreme DUI. He is on probation for previous drug and alcohol issues so he will be going back to prison now. I feel lonely and scared.
I am so sorry Trish. I have been in your shoes more times than I would like to admit. Still am. I am just now starting to work the Steps. It has been 4.5 years of hell and I am ready for that to change. It will either change by my recovery and his recovery or by my leaving. I just wanted you to know that you unfortunately are not alone. Maybe going to prison for awhile will be his wake up call. Maybe it won’t but please take the time that the two of you are apart to work on you and what you want and you can then decide how you feel about continuing with him after you have re-evalutated what you want.
wow. l think this is really real, i didnt know about this until just the other day its crazy my whole life i’ve grown up around it and thought i could learn from it but then i get involved with an alcoholic and i just realized i’ve lost myself trying to help him for the better when all he wants to do is help himself to more drinks and not work on a relationship and its weird i am only 20 years old and i really hope i learned my lesson now because i dont want to lose myself my life again! everything was about him and wat he needed . . . wat he wanted and nothing for me, well i hope i can continue to believe i did the right thing by leaving and i just hope i can stay gone and ignore the hurt the pain and the lonliness that i am feeling without him… right??
well.. i dont know what to say really… i am currently loving someone who has a drinking problem…. but has recently gone to get some help….now… that he is doing this…….. i dont know what to think…. we dont talk like we used too… i understand that he has to do this… but in the meantime it’s killing me…. i miss him and i love him alot…. im tryin to understand, but how can i really… now he has found new people to share things with…. and i dont know how to handle that…. i can’t talk to him.. because he has to begin the healing process of not drinking and being drunk all the time.. facing life sober. i’m sure is a real adjustment..now.. i’m the one feeling lost and confused…..sad and alone depressed….it sucks…
I have been listening to the podcasts and then reading the comments. My heart goes out to all of you, and as I read I would say a prayer. I am the daughter of an alcoholic, who never really stopped since I was a young child and now I am 43. I struggled with always trying to be the best. Best in school, best singer, best at whatever I would do, but of course it was never enough to stop my dad from drinking.
After I left the house I ended up in fix-it relationships. I didn’t realize it until it was too late and I didn’t realize my tendencies until well into my adult life. My relationships have all been abusive in one way or another, verbal, physical, financially…then something happened. I am a very faith filled person and one day I just said to God, “I give up”. And it was like He said to me, “It is about time!” I finally came to the realization that I could not control other people, situations, and had started the first step.
I am now in a unbelievably sane relationship. That is new for me. He is in recovery for over 11 years. And he has helped me so much to see how my behaviors and attitudes have been formed. I tried at first to create mayhem because the calmness would drive me to that point. I would feel uncomfortable with the right things, the loving, the trust, and the true caring of another person. Not having to do it all. Not being responsible for someone’s attitude and actions. He is so patient and understanding.
I have now started to pursue the meetings, and have even gone to AA meetings and Nar-Anon meetings. Hearing the people speak through their pain helps me to understand. I have even been able to forgive my father and walk back into my relationship with him and set healthy boundaries.
Thank you for the podcasts and comments. I’m married to an alcoholic and addict. He was sober when we married and relapsed shortly after our marriage (3 years ago) after almost 6 years of sobriety. I find it really hard to focus on myself and take care of myself. Even as I write this, I traded my Al-Anon meeting so he could attend an AA meeting (someone had to stay home with our daughter).
Al-Anon brings me comfort and sanity. It is my wake-up call and it helps me to make healthy decisions for myself. Since the birth of our daughter I’ve been extremely irregular about meetings and I feel the difference. I obsess over his attendance and his health. BUT no matter how irregular my attendance has been, when I walk through the doors of Al-Anon, help is always there. After his last relapse, almost 3 months ago, I was more angry then I’ve ever been- so angry that despite my attempts at making life easy for him (taking all the household responsibilities on myself, keeping “dangerous” topics away from him, hiding my feelings) he still relapsed. I found a way to a meeting, and don’t you know, I got it! I’m not responsible. I only hurt myself with those decisions. I can’t control him or cure him. In one hour, I felt better, the fog cleared. But without those meetings or contact with other members, I get sick again. This week is a great example, he stopped attending his regular meetings, I got fearful, and I intervened (not my job- I’m not supposed to prevent or create a crisis- I might actually be standing in the way of his sobriety by behaving this way). Al-Anon helps me recover- I’m grateful that, although I’m not attending a meeting now- I could hear a podcast and read your comments to remind me and awaken me to my life. Thank you all. I will take with me the thoughts from the speaker on fear. I don’t have to be afraid, I don’t have to be alone, all I have to do is reach out to other Al-Anon members and pray to my higher power for guidance and strength. Thanks again.
I am looking for some words of wisdom/guidance.
I recently recognized the signs and symptons that my husband of 7 years is an alcoholic. He says that he has not had a drink in 5 weeks. The only counseling he has done has been with a co-worker, who is a recovering alcoholic, and through the A.A. hotline.
I know that I cannot control or even guide him on what to do but I feel that his efforts are very half-hearted and he is only doing this much because he thinks I will just forgive him and forget about it again like all the other times.
I know that he loves me and our girls but I am physically, emotionally and spiritually drained and wiped out. I can barely stand to be in the same room with him, let alone talk to him. I feel that I am only holding on by a thread and really do not know what else to do. I am not even sure if it is worth trying to save a marriage that quite frankly has to wait for him to realize he needs help, and then try to work on us.
I went to my first Al-Anon meeting yesterday and I realize I have a long ways to go but I was hoping someone has gone down a similiar path that could give some advice. Whether you decided to stay with your huband (maybe why) or how to give up that last thread of hope of a marriage. Thanks
I am also new to Al-Anon. I have been with my husband for 8 years and of the 8, he has been a dry drunk for 3.5 years. The past year was the worst for him and myself, as not only has he been drinking but has been in and out of programs, but not truly working any program as he dislikes AA. He has been off work with stress leave 3 times this past year and is set to return to work on Monday. He is currently staying with his parents as he walked out on me in September for another woman. But that relationship has failed and he moved back with them to get back on his feet for work and life. He and I have kept in contact and are trying to work on the relationship.
He moved back last week , but ended up staying 4 days then realized he needed to return to his parents’ home . I am fine with that as I was not too sure about him moving back in but he just arrived with bags in hand.
I am enjoying talking with him and spending some time with him, but it does not feel right for him to come to our home because of his cheating and lying, so I need to gain trust in him again thru his actions. I have not seen too many people in these testimonies talk on infidelity and how it affects the relationship but I hope someone can share.
thanks
My husband is an alcoholic and last Thursday he got so bad I had to take the kids and leave. I had to call the police to take him away. He started A.A. and I have kicked him out of the house. I cannot move past the anger and I want to protect my kids. If anyone has decided to save their relationship, please give me some advice.
My husband of 27 years has a drinking problem. I am on the verge of divorce. He does not drink every day but when he does drink he does not know how to stop. Then he goes looking for drugs. He has had his car stolen once and almost twice. We have 2 beautiful girls and I cannot have them growing up with this like I did. I know if my husband did not have me he would probably be dead. But, I cannot be his savior any more. I am at the end of my rope. He is so depressed and angry all the time and it is effecting the whole family. I am so afraid that he is going to crash and kill someone else. I don’t think I could live with that. I would feel it is partly my fault. I have asked him to move out but he will not go. He knows he has a problem but he believes he has tried everything and there is no hope for him.
I just don’t know what to do anymore….
WOW! Just read Judy’s comment, “The first Step, admitting that I am powerless ” & it hit me like a ton of bricks. That is exactly what/where I am now, powerless! Me–who always has to be in control of my life. I have no control now. Oh, everything is perfect for a month & then suddenly that little brown bottle takes over again & I fall into this pit of despair again. Despair, but anger & shame, because yet again I allowed myself to fall for thinking things were going to change. Do you ever learn? I think it would be easier if it was a problem all the time because then it might be easier to get out. I will have to go back to read all the posts, but right now I am not strong enough to do that.
As I read these posts, they are all my stories rolled into one. My husband is an alcoholic, (which I only recently discovered) and I found out he was having an emotional affair. He refuses to call it an “affair” because he says he was not “emotionally involved”. He texted her all day long. He went to drink with her every night, and then would come home and drink another bottle or two of wine.
I let the $100.00 in overage texting on the cell phone bill slide. I let him tell me that it was all “work related”. This went on for about two months until I found emails from her telling him how much she loved him, and wanted to be with him, and feared that wouldn’t happen. He denied that situation, even when I had the emails printed out in my hand. He went to one AA meeting, and I tried to get him to go to a center where they treat alcoholism. He went to the evaluation, and decided it was not for him because he can do it himself.
I don’t know how much more I can help him. I have to remind myself daily that this is a disease, and recovery from anything takes time. As I journey through this tangle of barbed wire, how do I tell where compassion ends, and codependency starts?
I am 34 yrs old and am in my second relationship with an alcoholic/ addict. How I got here, I don’t know. I keep thinking to myself I’m tired, and I need to do something different cause what I’ve tried hasn’t worked. So with that I’m open to try something to fix myself.
I have been going to Al-Anon for a few months. The guy I’m seeing now goes to meetings also. He has had many relapses, more times then I’d care to count. Sad thing is I can relate to him. We have so many things in common. We have shared the same crappy childhoods, lost our dads to suicide, the list goes on and on. He is a sweet man. All I seem to think is what a shame cause I want him to be the one I can spend the rest of my life with. He is opposite from the last man I was with. I was with him for 15 yrs, had a daughter together, she’s now 15.
The guy I’m with now seems to care for me and tells me such sweet things. I’ve never had a man talk to me that way. So maybe I can’t let go cause he’s my feel-good, just like he loves the way the drug makes him feel @ the time. He makes me feel pretty, attractive, and worthy of love, while my ex treated me the opposite.
I am not sure how to work the Steps, really. I have no one to talk to. I’ve only gotten one phone number and our work schedules don’t go together very well, so I never can reach her. I would love to find somewhere to go online that can give me more help. Possible chat rooms, or online speaker meetings. Thank u for listening, and it’s nice to know I’m not alone.
This is still so hard for me to admit, even though I have worked through the steps I find myself often having to take a step back and remember that I have absolutely no control. I worry that others are expecting me to take “care” of the problem drinking, specifically his grown children. I cannot, and I cannot let myself worry about what they think. I can only encourage them to also take care of themselves, regardless of what the situation is around them.
This is particularly difficult as now there is a small grandchild involved, and I find myself so full of fear and remorse for his sake. I feel that at his age I have an obligation not only to protect and care for myself, but also for him. Any thoughts or feedback would greatly be appreciated.
My son has just come out of an in-patient treatment center and plans to do out-patient meetings and AA at our local rehab center. He is owning up to his mistakes and past issues. I have faith he will succeed.
I have in the past and will again attend Al-Anon so I will learn to understand the situation. My only problem is I feel I am walking on eggshells when I’m talking with him. I am trying to learn the way to communicate, but he still gets so upset about things, no matter how I say anything and he tells me to read the literature, etc.
He is going through a terrible divorce and his ex is keeping his daughter away from all of us, which makes it hard. She needs help just as much, if not more, because of her family issues, but she will never admit to this. So it is really emotional with the unhealthy control she has over things.
Thank you for listening. Any response would be appreciated.
I don’t know how to start or even if I should come here for help. I just got married last week to a man whose father is an alcoholic. He just got put in jail yesterday for 30 days, 4 years probation, 120 hrs community service. This was his 8th DWI and I have no idea how he wasn’t put away for longer.
I’m angry. This is the 4th DWI since I’ve been in his life. He takes advantage of my husband. He is the only person left who is willing to help him now. We had to pay for his last 2 lawyers, which altogether comes to $12,000. I’m tired of it. I’ve tried to get him help and he doesn’t want it. My husband won’t stop helping him either. I need help and so does my husband and I can’t get him to admit it. What should I do?
Amazing–I have not even attended an Al-Anon meeting yet, but I absolutely know I will fit right in. I am a 32-year-old teacher and I have a 15-month-old and a 13-year-old step son. My husband has been doing drugs and drinking since he was 14. I did not know that he was currently still using until I was 8 months pregnant. He then told me it would be so much better if he didn’t have to hide the pot and I just let him do it. Of course, I said no and he agreed to quit so he wouldn’t lose the family and everything else–yeah, right. He just got better at hiding it. His drinking got worse and so did the pot use. He eventually cheated on me with a neighbor. For some reason I believe he will change and become the man God always envisioned.
I always knew something was going on–after finding out about the cheating or the drugs he would be nice, but only for a short time. Recently, I caught him smoking pot and decided enough was enough. I called his dad and sister to come get him out of the house. I think that was the beginning of a change for him. He is now going to AA meetings and finding he has a lot of similarities with all the other AA members. His sister and brother-in-law have went through the AA program and have been sober for 6 or 7 years and now he is living with them. The best place for him right now.
Now it is time for me to get my head straight. I, like all of you, was always trying to “look out” for him. Constantly telling him what he should or shouldn’t be doing when it came to drinking or using drugs. It’s obvious to me, finally, that I can’t “fix” him. The ball is in his court…
My first Al-Anon meeting will be tomorrow–I am excited; I can’t wait to start focusing on myself so I can be a better mom and wife…
This is my very first visit to the website. Reason? My son, who is in his early 20’s, is now facing possible prison time for all his DUI’s. He can’t afford a lawyer, who “promises that if he pays $4,000, he can get him off the felony charges and not go to prison. My son was recently laid off from his job and doesn’t have the money. He comes to me for most of his support and encouragement because he feels that I’m the only one that he can come to. It makes it very hard on me, but I truly love my son with all my heart and want to always be there for him. However, this puts an extremely huge load of responsiblility on my shoulders to always be the strong one with all the answers. Help me take the first step. I don’t want to lose my son to this. I want to gain peace of mind in my life and yet continue to be strong for him. Thank you.
I have grown up in a family where my dad was a functioning alcoholic. I am familiar with certain behaviors thereof. Recently I have remet someone from years ago who has been a member of AA for 27 years. We have shared our histories and we are getting to know each other better. He suggested I attend a meeting to better understand his situation and what could become our situation in the future. I have listened to the podcast and decided to definitely go to a meeting. I am feeling it may direct me with some valuable tools to deal with both my past and my future. Thank you.
Wow. I’ve read all the comments from this page and it is so scary–so many people hurting, going through so many similar things. I decided to go on-line and try to find some “guide to helping an alcoholic,” but instead I found some help for myself.
I have been in this relationship for 4/5 years. Yes, I knew he drank “some,” but did not feel concerned when we first got together. We were a good fit for many reasons and over all we have a good relationship. But I cannot sit there and watch him drink night after night, going to bed drunk basically every night for the last couple of months. In the last 2 years his drinking has been escalating from drunk Friday to Sunday to the present, where he must be drunk to go to bed.
He openly admits at least once a week he has to “cut down on his drinking,” while he sits there and pours another drink. And I know I can’t do anything else to help him. My head knows he has to help himself, but my heart wishes I could help him. I don’t want to give up on our future together, but little by little my anger grows, as does my disappointment.
My tolerance is becoming non-existent. When he starts talking and I know what is coming, I can’t be as objective or sympathetic as I was before. I sometimes just lash out to make him realize it’s the same old thing over and over. Or mostly, I just excuse myself and go to bed to read and let him stew in his own thoughts.
I just can’t be “bothered” anymore, since I realize that nothing I say matters or will help or will change anything, so why bother. I love him with every part of me but I have to do something before I get sicker. Thanks for letting me vent. I know there are no meetings in my little corner of the world, but maybe by being able to access this place, I will find my way.
I just realized my son is an alcoholic, because he told me. He lives in another state, is grown, and just lost his job due to drinking. His friends tell me he is mixing alcohol and Valium. He does not want to go to rehab–I have offered to pay. I do not know what to do. I am fearful he will die or is dead when I don’t hear from him. I cannot go on like this. I am looking to go to an Al-Anon meeting.
I just found this web site and listened to all of the podcasts and read all of the comments. I can see myself in almost every single post. I have been married for 27 years, like the one lady. I am a mother whose son is struggling with alcohol issues, like another. He is actually the one who came to me last week and said “Mom, this is not just Dad’s problem. It is a family problem!” I never looked at it that way, but after talking with him and him giving me his perspective on what it is like to be dependent on alcohol I can kind of understand.
I, like a lot of others, always thought I could change my husband. We both drank socially when we first started dating and were first married. When I became pregnant with our first child, I quit drinking and have never gone back. After the kids were born, I said I didn’t drink because one of us had to stay sober and drive us home from the parties, bars, etc. I have put up with infidelities more than once and now he is going through a period of being scammed on the internet!
My son says that is part of the addiction process, but I cannot understand how an otherwise smart man can be conned by these people! That is one issue I have not seen anybody on here talk about. I am going to call first thing tomorrow and find out where the closest Al-Anon meeting is and attend. I have gone through a lot of stress in my life lately, and I need to learn that I cannot fix everything, and I need to learn how to live for me.
I am trying Al-Anon again after 3 years because my reactions to my husband’s medicating himself are making myself (and others around me) crazy! I want to take control, punish him, ignore him, leave him, and I feel like I am stuck. Sad thing is he serves as a chaplain and helps others, encouraging them to talk through their pain. He just refuses to deal with the pain he is causing those around him by his substance abuse.
So I need to work on me, so I can become a rational, loving, peaceful person. Right now I can’t imagine that as a possibilty because I feel like a raging bull after discovering how bad his problems and debts are because of this abuse. But it is possible–if I have faith and work on me.
Hey, you guys. I’ve been reading your stories. My 26-year-old daughter is alcoholic and had me worried sick a year ago. I understand the pain that some of you face. In my pain I would run to God. But my big task to achieve, with the help of a counselor as well as Christian prayer ministry, has been to learn to let go and trust God, and to stop trying to change my daughter.
I would read scriptures about God’s promises for our children, and that has all helped. Trusted Christian friends, who’ve been where I am, have been a real gift from God. We only have to ask Him for help and it’s amazing how things eventually begin to pan out. I’ve started going to an Al-Anon meeting here in Melbourne, and I can see there is some benefit in that too. Probably the biggest factor for me has been the comfort I have found in worshipping the God of the Bible, who loves us so much, more than any of us realise.
I find I am not hassling my daughter nearly as much about getting help and getting off booze. I had to ask her to leave the house a year ago. That wasn’t easy, because I was afraid she’d fall into a crumpled heap and I’d have to keep propping her up. Then I realised that by propping her up all the time I was enabling her problem. I realised that I had to stop that, or she’d never learn to take responisibility.
Now she has managed to get a good job, and is beginning to take some responsibility for herself. Her progress has seemed slow, but it is happening, thank God, and this has given me hope. I think that while there is life there is always hope. Go to an Al-Anon meeting. I can see it’s helped a lot of people, even if they don’t have the faith that I have in God. Never give up! God bless you. Ian
Thank you, Ian, for your comments. I am the mother of a 29-year-old alcoholic daughter. This was a huge surprise to my husband and I who don’t drink and, needless to say, she wasn’t raised with it. We’ve been to 3 Al-Anon meetings and I can say the last one really, really helped. I am trying to work MY program as she works hers. We all have a deep faith in God, and believe without Al-Anon or AA, she would not have made 30 days sober, as of yesterday!!
The Church, sadly, is just not prepared to deal with people who are addicted - but God is!!! I hope we never have to ask her to leave, as you did, but maybe that will come. I ask God to give me direction every day and guidance to make decisions that will not impact her negatively. And the people at Al-Anon have the experience to help me. Thank you. God Bless!
I am a wife and mother of 5 and married to an alcoholic and a drug addict. This has taken a huge toll on our family. I have always thought that I could fix him or help him change by doing the following when he has gotten caught: Take his cell phone away; hide his car keys and lock the car down with all sorts of brake and steering wheel locks; hide the checkbooks and debit cards; take him and pick him up from work myself; tell him once again, “Okay, no alcohol at all allowed in the home–even on weekends”; no going to a ball game, because you will drink or do drugs; can’t trust him to go anywhere. But I have since realized that I cannot fix him, this only adds more stress to myself with all the extra worrying and investigating and arguing that that seems to just repeat itself in circles.
I do believe that marriage vows should be forever, but when does it become a hazard to the family, and who is to say when enough is enough! A sister of mine recently informed me of this Al-Anon support group and that I should investigate it and it will help me and give me strength, support. I haven’t actually gone to any meetings, but I am very interested and I have so much to share. I believe God is my strength and I am not easy on giving up. May God bless us all!!
I am a 47-year-old and my younger sister is an alcoholic. She had been drinking heavily for over a decade and was beginning her drinking earlier and earlier in the day. We tried to help her in the past and were unsuccessful. Her health was becoming an issue and my family became scared that we were going to lose her if something wasn’t done.
We just had a family intervention and she accepted help at a recovery center. I was asked to partake in her family therapy and received a shock when the therapist referred to me as an enabler. I will admit that I was, at one time, but stopped–or so I thought. The therapist recommended Al-Anon meetings and I intend to seek out a meeting place in my area. This is my first experience in finding help and was appreciative of the podcast testimonials. Thank you for sharing.
My daughter is 18. My daughter is bi-polar II. At 16 she ran away 9 times. In the course of that she has been mentally institutionalized 4 times. Rehab once. She is now in prison for underage drinking - 4 times - for 45 days. We (My husband, son and 2 daughters that live on their own) have been down this road, so many times. My husband and I have been assaulted by her, been lied to, had the police officers over so many times they know our name, and yet I think of her every waking hour, feeling pain and wondering what we could of did to make this not happen. The first step is always the hardest, and feel I can’t do it because I will be letting go of her. This is something I find I am having so much trouble with. My life has been my family, my kids, and I am having trouble with that.
I have been a member of Al-Anon for many years. I urge everyone who has been affected by alcoholism to go to meetings. It will give you support. It will improve your life and help you to cope with your problems.
I have been married to my husband for 14 years and dated for 11 years, so basically we have been together our entire adult lives. We “partied” together when we were young, but the problem arose / became evident to me / when I “grew up” and he didn’t. The continual drinking became more than unmanageable over the past 8 or so years and finally he decided to enter a program - YEAH!.
I was so proud of him and he of himself for 75 days, but unfortunately he relapsed. I was dreading this day and I HATE it. I hate it for me, for my daughter and for him. I HATE that he is so powerless/so unhappy/so unwilling, at this point, to get more individualized help. He has had a ton of bad things happen in his life, but in a nutshell we all have.
I have not yet been to a meeting and know that I need to in order to learn how to better take care of myself for myself and my daughter, if not my husband. This is extremely hard and I never thought that at this point in my life I would be here, but I am. I feel like I’m wearing all the hats in the household, but I guess I need to understand that I might need to keep wearing them and that I need help learning how to handle it all.
I love him, love my daughter and I need to love/take care of myself too! I, too, feel like I’ve lost myself. I did not drink on a regular basis prior to his start of recovery and have been sober for 82 days myself in order to support him. I look forward to my first meeting and starting the recovery process for myself. I have to be here for her in case he is not. Thank you for listening and understanding. I needed to get that off of my chest as well. That is a start.
This page has given me a lot of support as of now. I want to thank you all for taking the time to leave a piece of your story here.
My boyfriend of four years is an alcoholic. He has been flirting with Step One for the past few months and has been attending meetings sporadically for the past year. He has a sponsor and has made some seemingly good connections in the program and says he knows he has a problem and wants to be proactive about it, yet he has relapsed more times than I can count. The first three years we were together he tried to hide his drinking from me. Finally it got so bad (or rather noticeable) that he came forward and admitted to me that he has a problem. I wanted to be there for him and to be as optimistic as possible.
He lives at home with his parents. I work full time and go to school full time. I am going to school to be a social worker, so this obvious “I’ll fix-you” scenario has come up with my behavior towards him at first, but right now I am wondering, how I can be in love with someone who is so unhealthy?
I feel very confused and just wrote down some meeting times with the intent to go to my first Al-Anon meeting. I have been to a handful of AA meetings with my boyfriend and try my best to support his sobriety, but I’ve gotten to the point where my issues of trusting and feeling torn in two have really left me feeling like an empty shell. I hope that I can learn from meeting other people in Al-Anon and figure out how not to be an enabler.
I thank you all for your honesty and openness.
I am 28 years old, married and expecting my first baby in Feb. My father has been an alcoholic since, well, long before I was born. I have grown up dealing with his addiction my entire life. He always has financial problems because he spends his money on things that he shouldn’t. I have loaned him money on several occasions and it has at times taken years to be paid back.
Recently, he borrowed money from me to pay some bills because he was having money issues. He works construction and my work often hires him (I am a property manager) to do construction projects. He did pay me back right away. Last weekend he went on vacation to Florida for 2 weeks. He is expecting a check from my employer, but instead of waiting for the money to come he went with a small amount of cash on him and wanted me to make a bank deposit when the money came in the mail. (He wasn’t concerned about the half hour drive to his home to do this — of course). It turns out that the check will actually not be received until after he returns from his trip. I had to give him this news today and of course I feel so bad about it and don’t know whether or not I should loan him the money. If he doesn’t pay me back it will put me in a real financial mess and cause problems in my marriage. I feel that I will not be a good Christian if I do not help him.
Sitting here at 1:15am, unable to sleep. My partner of 15 years (husband of seven years) has just returned from a 28-day program. I’m really struggling because I feel like I’ve lost my husband. He’s like a robot - he shows no emotion. The only time he shows any passion is when he talks about his new friends - they seem far more important to him than me and the kids.
Things haven’t been easy during the weeks he’s been gone. I’ve kept the house going (4 acres), loved and cared for our three children, run two businesses, and slowly fallen apart. When I’m alone I cry my heart out because I miss him. I’m lonely, and I just want back the love and companionship we shared. We always talked about growing old together, but when I see him my emotions come out as anger and resentment. I’m afraid I’m pushing him away. I love him so much.
Since he’s come home he’s not shown me any emotion - no kiss hello, no hugs, not even good-night. He kissed the kids good-night - just not me.
I’ve tried to explain to him that I miss the intimacy we used to have, the way even when he was drunk he could still offer me support and love when I needed it. Does being sober mean that we can no longer have that relationship? I still see him as my husband, lover, sole mate, life partner - but I’m not sure if he feels the same.
I tend to misunderstand the First Step, wrongly thinking that I am worthless because of being powerless over another person’s alcoholism. This distorted way of thinking is caused by my low self-esteem, and because often I still need the reflective time to consider the unmanageable part of the First Step. When I do reflect about my unmanageability, this Step makes sense to me and becomes a source of self-esteem to me because it suggests that I focus on my life, instead of staying obsessed with another person´s life.
I came into the Al-Anon program after I had asked my husband of 10 years to leave. I thought that ‘things’ would be better if he left, but I was even more miserable. I didn’t realize that drinking was a problem in our home. I just knew that I didn’t like His behaviour. He had turned into someone that I didn’t know anymore. He eventually divorced me.
I realized that I needed Al-Anon, I needed help , I had suicidal thoughts, and I didn’t know anywhere else to turn. I didn’t know how to stop the emotional pain that I was in. I had also started to take a sincere look at my spiritual life. I did what Al-Anon suggested that I do. I went to meetings, I got a sponsor, I read the literature, and I helped with service work. And things started to get better. I started to get better.
When I first came into the meetings, I felt overwhelmed and hopeless. I cried and cried, no matter where I was. Today, those days feel like a zillion miles away. I have serenity today. My home is very peaceful. I learned that I am responsible for my own happiness and I can let other people live their own lives and it’s NOT my business what they choose for themselves. I have remained single all these years. I have learned that I can make choices for myself and my decisions are MINE, I don’t need to have anyone’s approval or if I want to change my mind– that’s okay, too. The Al-Anon program has helped me with my attitude and my self-esteem. I would recommend Al-Anon to anyone, in a heartbeat!
I will forever be thankful to my friends in Al-Anon for helping me raise my 2 children. When I didn’t trust my own judgement, I would ask for help from around the ‘tables’ of Al-Anon. Just because my ex-husband and I had divorced, it didn’t mean that it was ‘easy’ concerning our children. But, Al-Anon helped me to say ‘nice’ things about their dad and to treat him with respect and pray for him. This could have only helped our situation.
Today I wish him ‘well’ and know that I was wrong to blame him for everything. Now I can see and admit that it takes two, and I played my part. I can forgive myself and see that we both did the best we could, at the time. We were both imperfect, trying to have a perfect life.
I am not a ‘huggy’ kind of person but Al-Anon has shown me how to accept ‘hugs.’ Through the program I have been able to have much better relationships by trusting , being as honest as I can be, and saying what I mean, but not saying it mean. I have gotten more from Al-Anon than I could possibly list here. So, I will forever be a very grateful member of Al-Anon. And I’m thankful for the alcoholic who brought me to Al-Anon. It changed my life (for the better)!
Wow…I just heard about Al-Anon for the first time today and came home and got directly online to find out more. I’m pretty much at the end of my rope. I feel like I’m enabling my husband by staying with him. Unfortunately, I’m ready to walk out the door and I don’t want a divorce, I just want to lead a seperate life from him, until he realizes he needs some real help. To this day he has never seriously admitted he even has a problem. Hmmm, hence this is his 3rd marriage and my first.
It’s so amazing…it’s like you’re walking around in this haze thinking, how did I get here? Jeez, how dumb. You go to college for four years and your goal is to graduate. So, you date someone for years and your goal is to get married but you don’t ever stop and look at all of the other person’s behaviors and think, is that the way I want to live my life? I mean, that’s exactly what I should’ve done, but have no reason why I didn’t.
How did I not say, “In 5, 10, 15, 20 years I want to be here and live this kind of life”? Well, it’s never too late and I’m not going to live this kind of life anymore. Now, if I could just find an awesome 2 bedroom apt. to move to! lol
Oh, it’s not going to be easy, but I give it to God. I’m going to pray, pray, pray and hopefully something will work out.
All I can do for him now is pray for him. It’s out of my control. It never was.
I have a young toddler who is learning from me as I did from my mother. Hopefully I’ll be able to guide her toward the right person/relationship by example.
God Bless all of you.
Wow, reading all the comments is like reading about my life with my husband’s alcoholism. All the emotions–walking on egg shells, avoiding subjects, running to help him when he drinks, making sure he is safe, as well as the rest of us in the house.
He is coming home soon and all the emotions, such as anger and stress, are returning as well. I need to be strong and take the first step and attend Al-Anon for the information and support.
I know that I do not want to go back to his lifestyle. Reading the posted comments, I too do not have power over his drinking. I am just scared of actually facing the reality of it all!!
I feel like I am at my wits end and don’t know where to turn next. I have a 3 and 5-year-old and I do not want to have them grow up seeing their father as a mean drunk and thinking that is the norm. They just keep playing and do not even realize what is going on. Most of the time I take them to bed and we watch a movie, but I cannot hide it from them much longer.
I hate the instability of never knowing when the next time will be, and have stopped going anywhere with him where alcohol may be present. I do not even know if I want to stay married to him any longer. I hate what he is when he drinks. I have a hard time even being civil anymore. It helps me to see the other comments above and know I am not alone and that others have survived this hell. I went to one Al-Anon meeting a couple years ago, but wasn’t ready then. I know I need to go back and keep going back so that maybe one day I can wake up and not feel sick anymore. I feel alone, tapped out, and scared.
I just went to my first meeting this week. I went there out of a horrible empty feeling of despair. I have been suffering through many of the situations that you have described here. One thing I didn’t notice much of that I am feeling is just rage. I am so angry at him for betraying me with this selfishness.
I have spent years loving him and trying to do what was best for him, as hard as some of it was. We are at a point now where I don’t know if I could ever love him again. He has allowed his family to use me as the scapegoat, and it is such a betrayal. They should be grateful and loving for all that I have held up in spite of his abuse. Instead they are hateful and judgemental towards me. And he just allows it. It’s like he is kicking me when I’m down. He allows it because it offers him one safe place where he’s not the bad guy. I walk around sick to my stomach, thinking of the hypocrisy.
I am the wife of an alcoholic. He is in trouble and he knows it, and is really upset with himself. He wants to change and is going to begin a new more intensive rehab tomorrow. I have been mandated to attend weekly Al-Anon meetings, and I embrace it. I look forward to going to my first one in the next few days, when I can find a meeting at a time when I can get child-care since my husband isn’t allowed to be unsupervised with our son. Just wanted to say that reading many of these posts has both scared me and inspired me. I found them helpful overall. Thanks to all those who shared.
I also married an alcholic. We dated for two years; he treated my terribly but that’s all I knew. I was emotionally and sexually abused by an older brother and uncle and then by a school teacher. I was never allowed to express my feelings to my mom; she was always angry. I did not trust her; I feared her. When I did express myself, she shamed me. Anyway, I went on to marry my husband. It was not a healthy relationship. We have since divorced.
Al-Anon teaches me I could not have expectations of someone who is suffering from the disease of alcoholisim. I needed to know this to protect myself emotionally. However, the idea in developing a healthy, intimate relationship is to allow myself to become vulnerable. One of the ways to become vulnerable is to have expectations of each other.
Al-Anon has taught me to have plan B to protect myself from the inconsistencies. In a healthy relationship expectations are met. Realistic expectations are important in developing a framework for a healthy relationship (e.g., saying that the alcoholic will pick you up a the grocery store at a certain time, or be there to look after the children, etc.). Simple by my standards, but not for an alcoholic who suffers from the disease of obsession and their body has allergies to the alcohol.
My son is now dealing with cocaine addiction and again I am reminded to not have expectaions. This disease, I have found out recently from Al-Anon, is progressive. It stays in the body forever and when the person relapses it continues from where the person last picked up, and it only gets worse from there. With addiction, it is different from alcoholism, as the life of an addict is short-lived and can be very sudden. That is my reality since I have met parents who have lost their young adult children to this horrible disease. Al-Anon provides me with great education. It is free and I get to learn about myself and how to make me healthy; all I have to be is willing and open. “One day at a time” is keeping me from obsessing about my son. It’s not easy, but I pray, pray, pray. God bless all that are affected by this disease.
Oh God, I am married for over 40 years to an alcoholic. First it was drugs now it’s booze. Every day it gets worse. I don’t know where to turn from here but do know I am very sick of his drinking. The day I am so scared to face is the day he hits someone with the car. Yes, he drives very very drunk, has one drunk driving under his belt. I know it’s a matter of time before he hurts someone. I don’t know if I can live with myself when he does that.
He went for help for a year and a half but didn’t do any good. He says he drinks because of me and I know that is not true. Hidden beer bottles all over my house, I find them open them and pour them down the drain. He cannot be left with the grandkids because of his drinking. Once he left my grandbaby in her crib to go by booze. And his mouth, he gets a really bad mouth on him cause it’s all our fault that he drinks. The mood swings are awful, running into walls, can’t stand up. His nose is even turning purple from his drinking.
So where do I go from here? Too old to start over, but would love to get in a support group because I just don’t know how much more I can take. I spend most of my time in my bedroom. I eat in there, watch tv in there. That’s how much I dont even want to look at him. How do I go on like this?
Al-Anon gives me hope because Al-Anon teaches me that I do have choices. As I learn to see my problems from a different perspective, I begin to think about them differently, and I begin to see options that I was unaware of before.
The First Step assures me that I am powerless over alcohol. I am also powerless over the alcoholic, as well as other people, places, and things. Knowing where I have power and where I do not have power shows me where to focus my energy.
Exploring this idea when I was a newcomer at Al-Anon meetings, I heard someone say in a meeting that alcohol was both readily available and expensive. This woman said that set of facts led her to re-think pouring out booze, because pouring it out never prevented the problem drinker from getting another drink; pouring it out only meant that it ended up costing the household more money spent on booze in the long run! That made sense to me, and led to my changing my behavior.
As I began to make small changes in how I perceived the drinking and the drinker, I began to make small changes in my behavior and reactions, then I began to feel better about myself and I began to think more clearly about everything in my life. I began to have hope that my life COULD get better.
It was like a snowball rolling downhill. Clearer thinking led me to more empowering action which led to clearer thinking and on and on.
It didn’t happen overnight, and it didn’t happen in a vacuum. For me, it took taking the risk of going to Al-Anon meetings, reading the literature, going to coffee with the people after the meeting, and talking to other people in the meetings who had had experiences similar to my own.
I recently heard it said that Al-Anon recovery is not for people who NEED it, it is for people who WANT it. I am so grateful for the bottom I hit that got me to the point of really wanting it. And I am so glad that the worldwide fellowship of Al-Anon is there for anyone who wants it today.
I think I just realized that I need Al-ANON about 15m ago, while reading these posts. I was lucky enough to have been adopted by the two most wonderful people on the planet, had a wonderful childhood, no abuse or alcoholism of any kind, no divorce (not even in my extended family).
I have been in 7 long relationships throughout my life (im 39, could never bring myself to marry any of them); 4 of them were alcoholics, the first and the last 3. I barely drink myself. The drunks were always just more fun. And I like to take care of people. Together that combination can be very detrimental after the fun wears off.
I left my last boyfriend 2 years ago (I always do the leaving). And for the first time in my life, im single. Kinda weird, kinda lonely, kinda empty. Lots of introspection and coming to terms with anger and sadness. Funny how you can feel them both simultaneously; it should be its own emotion.
I never thought I was an enabler, but I guess I was. Alcoholism is a sneaky disease. It oozes into corners of your relationship and lies to you. Tells you things you want to hear, then crushes you when you realize it was an illusion. I ran into my ex last week. I still love him dearly but haven’t had any contact with him in 2 years. He knocked on the window of the bar as I walked by. I went in and hung out with him for the night. He was sober when I got there, and watched him turn into a puddle within a few hours.
I had forgotten that the loneliest place in the world is next to a drunk saying “i love you”. The cosmos needed to remind me of that, and I’m thankful it did. I will never be the person he stops drinking for; it has nothing to do with me, he has to do it for himself. It’s the hardest lesson I’ve ever had to learn–but I’m learning:)
I just started to go to Al-Anon meetings. It’s kind of hard to admit that I can’t help my husband. He gets so controling and wondering where I am or what I am doing. He calls me at work and at my mom’s just to see if I am where I told him. It’s getting to the point where I don’t want to be here, but I still love him.
He went to rehab but only lasted 2 weeks. He said he’s going back next Monday. I don’t believe him. I caught him in so many lies. He wiped me out of my money for his beer and laughs about it. His anger is getting bad. He’s starting to throw his tools and it’s all my fault cause I don’t do what he wants or say I love you until he treats me better. I don’t love him but how am I to deal with him with 3 kids? Two are mine, one is his. If it wasn’t for his son, I would have left. So how can I deal with my life? I feel like I am in jail. I hope Al-Anon can help me sort things out.
I am 17, and my mother has been an alcoholic for almost as long as I can remember. I have tried everything that I can think of to show her how her behavior has affected my family, but it seems like her addiction is just getting worse and worse. I too came upon this website after I looked up “ways to help an alcoholic”. I was pleasantly suprised to find this website, and now I realize that I need to stop trying to convince my mother that she has a problem and that I need to help myself. I am worried about my future, and I am worried that her alcoholism will continue to change my life for the worse, but this website has given me hope and shown me that I am not alone. I hope to attend a meeting as soon as I can!
My wife of twelve years first recognized her alcoholism and substance abuse four years ago. She made it to two weeks worth of AA meetings, and then dropped out. Amazing how quickly she could change her mind. The half dozen Al-Anon meetings I attended were enough to guide me over the past four years, although I always wanted more. When I finally learned to let her go two years ago and focus on myself and our pre-teen kids, my life changed forever. Sure, living with an alcoholic is a nightmare, but I was able to see clearly through the insanity and keep myself focused. I had faith that eventually she would hit bottom, faith that took plenty of patience. Over those two years I pretended not to notice her behavior. Through it all I just kept reminding myself that it wasn’t my place to try and change her. It had to come from within, within her.
She rarely went out with friends, preferring to invite others over or to stay close to home, or for the most part on the couch. But when she did go out, I prayed she would get pulled over. When the phone rang at 1:30 in the morning, I pretended not to hear it. When the ringing went from my cell to the land line to the cell and back again without a single message, I got scared. It was at least 15 minutes before the police called back, fifteen of the longest minutes of my life. Funny thing is, when they explained that she couldn’t be bailed out until 9:00 the next morning, I fell back asleep under a long, cool breath of relief. The kids thought she had spent the night at a friend’s as they boarded the bus that morning. I lost a day’s work, a small investment in time, but was shocked to find her locked in a mental ward at a local hospital. The judge later described the actions of this beautiful, well dressed, suburban mother, as that of a complete meltdown. During her arrest she allegedly struck an officer three times, attempted to flee three more times, and threatened suicide. When I found her, she was still drunk, stoned, and lying in a cold, damp ward vomiting repeatedly into a small metal container, finally, finally, near rock bottom. After four years. Bottom.
Embarrassed, humiliated, depressed and lost, she was shocked to hear me tell her that I did not care what she chose to do after this. I offered my support in any way she needed, but would not offer to fix her problems or tell her what to do. She responded soberly in fear, fear that she would be locked up, fear that she would go to prison, fear that she would lose her family, but never with the fear that she needed help, help to help herself.
When she pointedly demanded that we needed to change, I looked her straight in the eye and told her that change was her decision, but that I had no intention of changing. I loved myself, I loved my family, and I loved my life. I am accomplishing all of the goals I set out to reach in my career, in my children and in my life. I have never been happier. I have no intention of changing. Not one thing. And I didn’t.
I don’t know if she understood the weight of my words or the chasm between our states, but I stuck to it, continuing my pursuit of a sub-3:20 marathon, coaching two soccer teams and reaching for the next promotion.
Around 39 days, after near-daily, out-patient, court-ordered counseling and urine testing, she defiantly announced that she couldn’t wait to get past this so she could go back to drinking again. Calmly I began researching, for the first-time in our marriage, separation. I had vowed never to make a threat that I could not keep.
At day 40, she returned from her first one-on-one counseling session, and admitted, at last, that she had a problem. A problem bigger than herself. She was cautiously energized.
It had finally happened.
I had waited four years, endured emotional and physical infidelity, insults, public embarrassment, loss of friends and family, damage to my children and daily verbal abuse. After four more days, and many, many late-night conversations - wonderful in-depth conversations we hadn’t had together since we were first married - I made the decision to change my life in order to rebuild our marriage. Just three weeks from a marathon I had trained harder for than any other race in my life, I dropped out, cold turkey. I needed to meet her halfway.
It has been almost three weeks, and there have more ups than downs, and nearly every day she reveals another side I have never seen. I thought she would revert back to the person I knew before her drinking had become so intense. Instead, she had grown into a more mature, actualized woman than I had ever known before. Her anxiety melted away like a flashed thaw and she walked in new shoes, weak, damaged, but alive. She has much work ahead, and if it wasn’t for the fact that the court will keep her in this program for two years, she admits she would certainly fail.
Finally, last night she reluctantly attended her first AA meeting. First in four years. Going in, she was exhausted from the daily grind of counseling, court appearances, and urine tests. Here was yet another court-ordered clog on her calendar, AA; the program she resisted four years ago, and no doubt was dredging up memories from the lows of that particular time. When she returned home for a quick break between back-to-back meetings (did I emphasize how intense this court-sanctioned program is?), another piece of the puzzle had fallen into place. In the neighborhood next to ours, she had found professionals and educated people like her, for the first time since she had hit bottom; people who had the same problems. Not that she needed a more suburban setting, no, just that she, like anyone else, needed to find a common denominator. A mirror closer to who she is.
It is scary to admit that I felt like a proud parent - and all of you Freudian-types can analyze that co-dependent thought for all it’s worth. Because you are not the only one who saw the problem with that thought.
My depression, kept in check for over a decade with only a few recurrences, was back with a vengeance. Quitting running cold turkey two weeks ago was more of a mental challenge than physical. That’s when something hit me this morning. I’m not all that put together after all. As I just told my wife on the phone moments ago, I’ve been holding it in for too long by myself, trying to do the right thing, be the right person, keep everyone and myself from failing. And now that I’m able to see clearly how good our lives have the potential to become, I realize at this very moment that I need help.
I’m exhausted.
There are a whole new set of challenges and worries and roads in my life. Pieces of our family are scattered like broken toys. And I still have a need to control things. Ultimately, I need to make sure that the support and love I am sharing is healthy.
That’s why I’m going back to Al-Anon tonight. Because this is bigger than even me.
I am a recovering addict. In 1997, with 5 years clean, I fell in love, head over heels, totally in love, with another addict in recovery. We were married in 1998. Three/four years later, he relapsed and has not been able to stay clean since. In 2006 I left him and have never been more miserable in my life. In 2008 I relapsed on alcohol. Fifteen years clean — gone. The end of August this year I will celebrate 2 years clean again but I am still miserable. The pain, the heartache feels as fresh as it did in the beginning. I miss him, I feel like a part of me is missing. But, I finally filed for a divorce this past March. I don’t know where he is — other than living on the streets somewhere. My NA sponsor suggested I look into attending some Al- Anon meetings in the area. As it is said, “When the pain gets great enough…!!” I hope & pray it helps. I’ve got to do something. My mother died last July and I lost my job in March. So far I’ve managed to stay clean, but I know if I don’t do something different I won’t stay clean. In the beginning I thought Jon was God’s gift to me for what I had survived in life. Now I don’t understand why that gift was taken away from me. Please say some prayers for me. Thank you.
I feel so alone where I live. A small town with drinking a way of life. My husband and I have been married for nineteen years, with the last ten his drinking has gotten really bad. My parents and one brother are recovering alcoholics so I guess I am living in a fish bowl. Always trying to do the right thing or say the right thing so he won’t drink. Now my three kids are living the same life I did growing up. I swore if I had kids they wouldn’t have this life.
My husband only drank socially when we married so I thought I had made a safe decision for myself, now I live waffling between guilt and depression. I love him but can’t change him, but that doesn’t change the fact that he blames me one minute then tells me it’s his fault. He says if I just would change this way or that, that he wouldn’t drink as much. I tried, but he still drank.
Alcohol makes me physically sick so I don’t drink very often, maybe a drink once every two months or so, therfore I end up being a taxi for him. I have started refusing to go anywhere with him, but our friends don’t understand and give me a hard time. That makes him feel like he is wanted and I am standing in his way. I know I need help but I don’t know if I can handle the truth right now. I want to!
Well I, like all of you, have lived the same as you all. I have had two marriages to alcoholics. Tried every trick to get my husband to stop. Dumped out booze, filled booze bottles with juice etc. None of my attempts to control him have made him stop. Outpatient. He is using 3 to 4 times a week still and in treatment.
I feel I am better. I am definitely powerless over alcohol, husband, whatever word I need to put in. I attend Al-Anon when work allows me to. Not nearly enough. Am so glad I found this site to read and share on. My kids are definitely suffering. I need to take care of myself. By doing this will show by example our lives can change and get better.
I MUST KEEP IN CONSTANT CONTACT WITH MY HIGHER POWER. THANKS TO ALL FOR SHARING AND GIVING ME STRENTGH AND HOPE. Peace and Love