Would the drinking stop if he or she loved you?

Published by at 10:58 am under Common Concerns

Welcome to First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.

Today we’re going to ask Al-Anon members if they ever thought the drinking would stop if the drinker really loved them.

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249 comments

249 comments on “Would the drinking stop if he or she loved you?”

  1. Cindy says:

    I have been married to a great guy sober and something other than when drinking. He is a manic depressant with sexual trauma ptsd. I myself am military ptsd. He has not been sober for more than 15 days since his last drug-alcohol overdose. His drinking has destroyed our financial secutity on multiple times. I let him stay. Cause…darn it…what a great charming everyone lives him good to me kinda guy…when he is in his right mind. We did not celebrate but watched like a messed up reality show our tenth year in marriage. He drank. I list another part of me. That was 13 days ago. Tonight. I am told it has nothing to do with me. This is the last evening I engage with the wrong mind. I have called my father. He wants to give me money. I will not take it. I just wanted to hear him tell me I can do it. Tomorrow I will attend another alanon…maybe this time i say something or stay longer. But tonight I accepted this fate of bad decisions and circumstance and bad luck. I researched and downloaded a few things to help me get back to financial stability so i have the strength to do what has to be done for my kids and me. Love of my life has little to do with it. Love of myself has everything to do with it. I start again but with a bigger set of tools and networks and self worth than the last time i started again. So it will be okay if i take the time to care for me. But for tonight…at least right now…i just wanted to say that outloud. Even if it is just to remind me i deserve cool fun charming loving kind of guy more than a little bit of the time.

  2. Sheila says:

    I’ve been with my other half and father of my 5 year old , since I was 16. I’m now 29 , he is now leaving in the middle of the night staying gone for 3-4 days ..always so sorry when he gets home . He hides bottles in his car and all around the house . I will not let him drink here.I just don’t know what to do anymore.. I want to leave, I love him but just don’t want this anymore ..but being able to pay everything on my own ..iso easier said then done ..

  3. Jody says:

    I have known my husband for 16 years. He does not drink very often, 2-3x a month, but is out of control when he does. He has got two DUIs, the latest one after just two drinks. He is very skinny and that might have something to do with his low tolerance. Recently he was out of state on a business trip and went to a bar to catch football game. Got too drunk, got lost on way back to his hotel, kept taking trains and buses and walking for 3-4 hours before passing out on a side walk. I had to beg the hotel front desk folks to go looking for him. Luckily he was found and brought back to the safety of his hotel room. After all this, he still claims he does not have a drinking problem. I asked him to choose between me and alcohol and he refuses to abstain from drinking. Says he is going to make sure this does not happen again. I dont believe in anything he says anymore and I know that the next drunken night is just around the corner for him. I am going to therapy to figure out what to do next. I would walk out in a heartbeat if it were not for our 7yr old girl.

  4. Angie says:

    I have been with my husband for over 23 years and the last 6 years have been a living hell. He has been in and out of rehab 3 times. Pills, cocaine and this last rehab was for drinking. I am at my end of what I can take. I am no longer hurt by all he has done to himself and our family but I am angry. I just don’t know what else to do.I love him with all my heart. I keep holding on to that I know the man I married,the father and son I know he once was is still there. But when will enough be enough. It is destroying me as a person. Sometimes ones I can’t even look at him. Without think how can you do this to people you love you are so selfish. We have even told him if you feel like drinking or taking a pill reach out to us we will be there. He never calls. Never!! I caught him this morning drinking at 5am!! What makes people do this? I just don’t understand.

  5. Julie says:

    Yes my heart tells me he would stop drinking if if he loved me and if he loved our 9 month old son but my brain tells me that love has nothing to do with this addiction. He choses the shots and liquor over us everyday. He thinks because he functions he is okay. He doesn’t believe me when I have been telling him I can’t and won’t live like this. He has allowed the alcohol to take him and the beautiful smart person he is away from me. I don’t understand that. I can’t comprehend being that selfish and self absorbed. My heart is breaking. My story is so similar to thought I read above. I am exhausted. I am scared. I am lonely. I retreat to bed earlier and earlier so I don’t have to argue or watch him drink more. I don’t want to have to leave. I am so angry that this addiction is potentially going to cause chaos in my life. I am so very tired of feeling all alone.

  6. yvonne says:

    I’m 32 and my bf is 15 years senior
    We have been together a year but have several fights while he was drunk. He has never physically hurt me and I know he won’t. I love him
    When he dies not drink his a perfect guy
    He works hard takes of me our apartment, but yes he drinks and can’t control it I rarely drink to not drinking at all and I gave him an earful and listed all the hurt he has caused me. I can’t change him but I put my foot down saying alcohol or me and I deserve better . We have plans for our future we talk about us as partners, but this last time he was drinking for got to pick me up from basically and stated he was lost. I don’t believe him and I just want him to stop drinking bc it’s destroying Jim, us and myself and I know I need to worry about me but how do you walk away knowing his a good person and you love him….tell me bc I can t this time and as well as the other times. he says he drinks when he has a stressful week and I told him he needs to find a healthier way to release stress, but my family wants me to walk away but I love him and I know his a good guy. I pray he gets help and for us to be but I know if at one point I just end up being hurt to where I lose myself I need to walk away from him.

  7. Colleen says:

    Ugh, I’m beyond crushed and heartbroken. No idea where to go from here as I truly believe the only place to go is away from him. Long story short- got pregnant after a few months dating, he left, we battled in court, 7 years later we got back together. However, he went from being a big pothead to an alcoholic pothead.
    I know he loves me. I don’t question it. But this isn’t the true-love fairytale I envisioned for myself that I know I deserve. He has a horrible drinking problem. I’ve “broken up” with him 100 times and he always charms his way back in. I love him more than anyone, and he knows that. He claims no one has ever cared for him as deeply as I, and he couldn’t stand the thought of losing me. So what do we do? A few days of no drinking here, an AA meeting there…and right back to the bottle faster than I can even process.
    It’s now 333am on Christmas. He ruined Christmas Eve by coming home this afternoon drunk. Denied it left and right. Swore he was just sad from a funeral he had been to. It wasn’t until we drove to church I realized how drunk he really was. When I told him not to come in with us, to leave, he yelled to my son all the things he got him for Christmas (knowing this was a hard year for me as it is prob my last “Santa” year). Later, while I was at my parents holiday party, he called belligerent saying if I tried to hold him back from seeing our son on Christmas there’d be problems. So I was forced to leave my parents early to go back home to his drunkenness.
    I’m lost. All of me wants it to be over, while all of me wants to stay. I hate him, I love him. I’m so jealous of every other relationship I see, because the people in it seem so much happier. I’ve BEGGED God for answers/guidance…but His silence confuses me more 🙁

  8. Talitha says:

    My husband of 3 years left me because he chose beer over our marriage. He completely bailed on me, leaving me with all the bills. He never had the courage to tell me to my face he was leaving. He just grabbed all of his stuff while I was at work. I’m now blocked from his FB, his email, and his phone. At 43 years old, he’s living in his parents’ basement. And he’s going to the bar every day.

    There had been two attempts at sobriety on his part, both times initiated by him because, after our first six months of marriage together, it had become obvious that he was an alcoholic. He had hidden it well while we were dating. Both times he made the decision to drink again because he swore he could become a “normal” social drinker. Yeah, I’m sure you all know how that ended.

    I made all the mistakes in the book like pleading, nagging, threatening, bargaining, crying, and trying to “fix” everything. I compromised and humiliated myself in the process. I knew in my heart the relationship was doomed, but he was a loving and funny and amazing man while sober, so I told myself those moments were worth the pain. And I told myself the biggest lie of all when he was drinking: at least I got a man, and I’m not alone.

    Al-Anon has been the biggest blessing to me. I’m now much more confident about myself, and I worry less and less about things that used to eat me up inside. I now understand that I can only change or fix me. And I’m worth it.

  9. melissa says:

    My husband cant go past four months and then he breaks down get his mikes hard lemonade drinks and drives u til its all gone wont anser his cell when i call twenty times.when he does come home he calls me bad names and wont pay mortg light bill.he just blows his pay day and expects me to get money from payday loan.he says he wants help but never goes to get help.should i just leave after five years of marriage and lose everything.

  10. Kim says:

    I have been married for close to 15 years my husband is always been a big partier but also a responsible person hold a job down helps pay the bills . We have three kids together and his drinking has been an issue multiple times throughout our marriage . In the beginning of our marriage it was hard to tell who would come out when he drank too much sometimes he would be the funny fun guy that everybody liked and sometimes he would just be a complete jerk never physical but just mean . We’ve had several arguments over the years and he’s always said he’s going to stop drinking or slow down or I’m too uptight maybe I need to start having fun . I’ve always noticed when he has one drink it never stops there he can’t stop drinking once he has one . He’s in a high stress job as a police officer and I get that but with three kids in the house I feel like it’s important for them to have a good role model. He will drink so much at night on a random weeknight that he’s falling asleep in his chair doesn’t help with the kids the kids think he’s just tired from work he says dumb things that don’t make any sense and the kids just kind a laugh I think they’re a little young to understand what’s going on but when I see it I actually just get upset . I’ve told him it bothers me when he drinks so much I told him I don’t understand how you can sit by yourself at night and we go to bed and drink all night until you pass out . And he always says he needs to be healthier and to stop drinking so much and watch what he eats . Now he’s older he’s now on blood pressure medicine he’s on and I depressants and yet none of that has been a wake up call for him . He’s a high functioning alcoholic finally last night he admitted to me that once he starts to drink he can’t stop and that it worries him because he’s really made an attempt at least the last few days to stop drinking . He sets these random limits of I’m only going to have one drink and I know that never stays it always turns into just one more just one more Intel a bottle wine or two are gone . He told me just today that our family is more important to him then drinking and that his health is more important and he wants to see his kids grow up and he wants to stop drinking and he’s worried . I’d like to say I’m excited but I’ve heard this before and as I expected while he was at work he called me to talk about his health . And now it’s changed from maybe I won’t drink anymore to maybe I’ll just drink at social settings like when we’re out at a party or something and I’ll limit it . To me that’s just a way for him to negotiate a way to continue to drink . I’m not at a point where I want to say it’s over or you need to make a decision between your family and alcohol because he’s not a bad person he just has an addiction that he needs to own and to get help but I’m at the point where I just don’t feel like there’s anything else I can do or say or write letters to him about or cry about or lecture or anything anymore he has to want to do this on his own . I always worry that I’m going to have to tell my kids that he had a heart attack because he decided to choose his lifestyle over us . I had a mom who deals with stress by drinking wine lots of it growing up his dad while not in the picture why he was younger is a severe alcoholic it runs in the family’s and I worry about my kids I can’t listen to any more negotiating or promises or I need your help then when I tried to help and point out hey you said you weren’t going to drink anymore I get a nasty look and a wire you nagging me . He’s always in a state of justifying why he drinks so much and the next morning he’s always depressed about his weight about how he feels about I can’t believe I drink so much it baffles me how he doesn’t see how this is affecting everything . I’m at a loss for what to do now I don’t want to take his promise and just blow it off I want to be able to help him but it is exhausting on my end to try and continue to support and help when he’s not helping himself . How many times do you say it’s OK you can try again . He does not help me around the house he does not help me with the kids I feel like I’m responsible for everything in this house and it’s starting to catch up I want him to see what a good life he has and what a good person he is but I can’t force that . The whole situation depresses me I don’t even know where to go or what to do . So his latest promise I am holding onto Falls hope you had again that maybe he’ll stick to it and yet I know in a matter of weeks will be right back to where we were at . It’s just depressing I can’t talk to my family about it because they’re so judge mental I have nowhere to go I’m embarrassed to talk to my friends and I’m trying like hell to protect my kids from seeing their father who is a good person and loves him not be able to get a handle on something . God pray for me

  11. Kim says:

    I’m a recovering alcoholic 10 years sober. I met my SO when I was a teen. We both drank. That’s what kids do. I went w him for a few years. Till I met my husband I married went seperate ways. He married. Didn’t see each other for @30 yrs. my husband was an alcoholic and abusive. I started drinking heavily had a DWI but quit eventually. I got divorced moved out- went out with a guy for 4 yrs. then found he’d been cheating on me for like a whole year and lied to me. We weren’t married. He lived w me. He wasn’t much of a drinker. I remained sober. Even when I found out. He was a cheat. I wanted to die instead but at least I didn’t drink. My next bo of 3 yrs was more of a disaster . He drank beer whiskey moonshine took pills line Oxywas not mean but seemed to always flirt with other women inviting women to meet etc. Told me I was a jealous nut. Had to sit in a bar that’s only place he ever took me out. Lived w him a few times my house of course. Felt used. Felt hurt and not worthy of even that loser as he’d rather be with other women. Still didn’t drink. Probably should have. If anyone ever went through what I did with him they would. Now I’m with my ex-bo from my teen years, he’s great except one thing– he’s a drunk, worse than the last idiot. Worse than husband. He says he wants to quit. I said I’d help. But he won’t even look at my AA book or try. Now he’s canceling things like spending one hour with my family on thanksgiving. Using excuses. Like he’s sick the dog is sick etc n he’s home drinking watching football w his buddies. I’m a strong person to stay sober he’s not going to ruin it either. I love him dearly. But can’t stand how alcoholics put booze first

  12. carrie says:

    I can’t trust my husband anymore. I still love him but am afraid I may be to the point I hate him equally. He lies a the time. We can’t go out socially any more and have no friends. He can’t just have a couple drinks. I am tired of my friends having to help me drag him.to the car because he is so hammered he can barely stand.We have a young son and my husband wants little to do with either of us. He comes home eats, stares at his phone for an hour then locks himself away.for the night. He is very selfish. This isn’t what I wanted out of life or a family. I don’t want to waste my life and it all seems hopless.

  13. Michelle says:

    Hello. I am not 100% sure my husband has a problem…..or maybe that is part of the problem. I don’t know. Anyways he has been drinking a lot lately in our garage alone, I have been keeping track. He has about 6-9 sometimes 10 beers a night. I don’t mean Fridays or Saturday I mean on a Tuesday. I am worried that this is the start and wondering how many others encountered this situation? We use to drink and party….a lot, together however since we got married and had our daughter I find that I just don’t want to anymore. He doesn’t seem to have lost the desire. He even drinks when he is suppose to be in charge of our daughter but thinks it’s okay because she is sleeping….any advise? Does anyone think I’m being to hard on him or is this the. Beginning of an issue?

  14. Hope says:

    I go back and forth between so many different emotions. I feel alone, angry, sad, grateful, all in the same day. I have a wonderful husband who tries constantly to make me happy. He waits on me and plans for every way possible to make my day better. He just can’t stop drinking! He is killing himself and I am watching. He is my husband in the morning, and drunk and annoying in the afternoon. He is very ill. I can’t stand the idea of leaving him, because I know he will become a pitiful falling down drunk all alone. I am a nurse and I deal with alcoholics in my work. There families have left them. He has no one else but me. He has cut all ties with his severely fucked up family. He will not seek counseling because he is afraid they will tell him he is bad (which is what has been pounded into his brain for his whole life). When I get frustrated and mad at him, I shame him more, which reinforces the bad feelings and need to drink. I know I need to let him hit his own bottom again (He quit once for 9 months), but it is so hard to just let him drink and be around him like that. We have no children, so it is just us two. I laugh at myself for saying “Let him drink”, because it is not up to me. I need to Love him, and accept his LOVE. I need to learn to be happy in my life, regardless of where he is. I can do this! WWJD? I ask myself, what would my Mother do. She has passed, but she always gave unconditional LOVE, in spite of ANYTHING her children did. I can do that for John. He certainly needs it.

  15. ann says:

    My husband’s drinks and drinks now he lies all the time I can’t trust nothing he says cause he lie so much look you dead in the face and lie I tell him I’m leaving him I’m done and he’s like whatever you love me so you not gonna do nothing i put him out and he makes like he’s going for good but he comes back later that day .

  16. Gigglebox says:

    I’m married to a highly functioning alcoholic. We dated for two and a half years and then got married. I knew he had drinking problems but he always swore he didn’t and tell me he’d stop drinking so much. We both have a child from previous marriages/relationships and now have two children together. We moved from Wisconsin to Florida. I’m so alone down here. He drinks from the moment he gets home from work until he goes to bed. He doesn’t care how it affects any of us because he’s told me it doesn’t affect anyone. He gets extremely angry with me if I try to bring it up at all. He’s had three DUIs in WI and had to go to jail the last time for 3 months. He has hit me three times but that was in the beginning of our relationship, he also used to kick me out all the time. I have no where else to go. He doesn’t hit me or kick me out anymore but tells me to leave if I don’t like how things are. He won’t have adult conversations with me about anything. I’m great fun for all he has done for me, has a highly paid job to take care of us monetarily, help me pay to get my GED, drivers license, car, and corrective surgery to fix my stomach. I feel like I’m being paid off to deal with the drinking though…even though I have a car now, I need money for gas, which means getting a job. Now I have no problem getting a job and working hard to help pay for bills, but this means letting my husband take care of the kids while I’m gone. Every time he takes care of the kids while I try to do something, I come back to him plastered. The kids are young and don’t know but it’s really started to affect them. My husband will scream at them if they act up or he’ll just basically ignore them. He won’t help with potty training or enforcing bedtime, with bathing or cleaning up. He doesn’t do anything productive with them, just turns the tv on for them and sits on the computer or sits outside smoking cigarettes. I feel it’s dangerous to leave the children with him but I’m not going to have much of a choice if I want to save money and try to leave. I have no friends or family to take care of the kids and obviously can’t afford childcare. My family in Wisconsin don’t really seem to care enough to help me at all. They haven’t visited since I moved down here except for one weekend. I’ve lived here over three years now… My family and friends don’t even talk to me anymore. I’ve sacrificed everything for this man and I feel it’s just been thrown back in my face. He’s always telling me how lazy and wrong of a person I am….I’ve kind of given up. I still take care of my kids but I’m depressed and alone, I want to just curl up in a ball and die. I don’t have anyone there for me. I just wanted to complete my goals/dreams of getting a job and going to college, just being happy with myself and enjoying my family. I’m starting to become the nonfunctional person because I don’t know how to cope or do anything anymore….

  17. Vicki Darkow says:

    I think we all have a problem with co-dependancy. My boyfriend is also an alcoholic. He moved in a year ago. I’m at a crossroads, try to help or give him 30 days. Ive never in my life been through as much verbal abuse as this man can dish out. I have become emotionally numb. He too has a problem with beer, not wanting to quit, once he starts. Dr. Phil says, you teach people how to treat you. Im a Christian, but truly we need to love ourselves more and say, you are not going to act like this and treat me like this. I believe adversity makes you stronger. I also believe God wants his children to be happy. I believe a support group will help. I pray everyday, things wil l get better. They have somewhat, until he picks up a six pack. Best wishes everyone, there is power in numbers and faith in our God above.

  18. rhonda says:

    my husband drinks, sometimes he goes for days and then he will pull a drunk,
    I feel as though its my fault because I have gained weight since we first was married,
    he lies when he drinks, I find empty beer cans under the sofa or dresser, my father drunk for the first 28 years of my life, and he stopped, he was an ugly drunk, my husband is not but why cant he stop drinking he says , he always says he will stop but never does,i feel alone and unloved ,not happy with life,what is wrong with me.

  19. Rachel says:

    My husband has no control when he drinks once he starts he can’t stop, we’ve been through so much together he’s a good provider and loves me and the kids but drinking is ruining our relationship. It’s come to the point that when I see him start to drink beer or liquor I’m afraid because I know how things will end. Frankly I’m tired of it but I want to save my marriage. Help

  20. Person says:

    My partner is a functioning alcoholic and he doesnt even know it. When he is confronted with it he just shrugs it off or says that it isn’t, I’m overly embarrassed to take him anywhere when he’s drinking, he loves going for rides and I do take him majority of the time

    Why can he just not stop. I did when we got together

    A few times he got so drunk he pissed the bed, he often becomes violent but tells me that I’m being a sensitive princess and that I’m making it up. He drinks Friday night after work right up until 11pm Saturday. & then on the Sunday expects me to wait on him hand and foot

  21. cj says:

    I’m living with my fiancee. We been engaged over a year now and dated longer before that. He wakes quite earlier then I do. But if I’m up at 8am he is already drinking beer. He says he was up early had coffee way before I woke up. He claims he has coffee at 4 and I have cought him drinking beer by 7am now once he starts he drinks til going to bed. If we go anywhere he takes his supply of beer. Evening along with beer he will have jello shots or mixed drinks or shots of ever clear till he passes out. Now he says he can go weeks without any alcohol but that’s only when there isn’t any way to get any beer. He buys atleast 2 thirty packs a week. His brother who we spend time with will go through 4 30 pack aweek. So guess where we go if boyfriend is out of beer. He loves to go to his brothers because they often have jello shots. I have asked him to cut back quit. Gets very mad threatens to break up runs to his brothers. He doesn’t drive been told because the meds he is on for pain which I understand. Sweet man loving but sex is slim to none. I love him dearly But this is grating on me. He is never mean just silly hard to talk to. Thinks you said something you never did. Forgets things that happen. Beer goes with him no matter what riding in the car. And he loves go to get groceries has to make sure he is incharge of what we get so we have enough for his beer And cigs. Yes we do eat good he cooks very good at it so I let him. But in the store he gets silly. He calls it joking with the meat counter guys. I call it silly old annoying same thing every time just loader later in the day so I try to get us there in the morning. Oh I have told him He embarrasses me just hurt his feeling for a day then back at it. Well part of me wants bad to marry him because I love him and he is good to me. Evenings and nights I get to think is this what I want?

  22. Nick says:

    I dated a high functioning alcoholic for a year and a half, on and off. I am 26, she is 42. She is a very successful saleswoman and provides well for herself and her daughter. In the beginning we would go out to casinos every weekend, I never had so much fun with someone. We would drink, constantly but it was the beginning of a new relationship, we were enjoying it so I thought nothing of it. As time went on, I noticed she would pass out on the floor in different areas of her house. She would get NASTY sometimes when unprovoked. I would even meet her at a bar, drive her home in her car as she was passed out, and sure enough in the coffee mug in the drinkholder was the smell of wine. I have no proof but I am convinced she cheated on me. That doesn’t hurt. What did hurt was watching a woman I love slowly destroy herself every night. I didn’t dare try to talk about it with her after the first time, I walked on eggshells for weeks afterwards. We were judged a lot for our age difference, we did not care though. I want to be with her so bad it kills me, but I know she is not going to stop drinking.
    I fear her daughter who I became very close with will pick up this habit when she gets older. My ex almost convinces me that she doesn’t have a problem, if she is so convincing to me, does she honestly not realize it herself? I want to go back to what became my family so bad, but no I can’t because the tape will replay. It kills me.

  23. Megan says:

    My husband is a functioning alcoholic. He drinks every day to the point where he cant walk and has to crawl around on the floor. We have been married for 3 years and have a 2 year old son together. I hate that my son sees him like that. He always wants to argue and make me feel like everything is my fault. I have given him and ultimatum several times its either the alcohol or our son and I. He slows down for a bit, but never completely quits. It is very hard for me to work a full time job and basically raise our son alone. I have threatened to leave if he doesn’t change but he wants to take the vehicle from me, among other things. I don’t like being in the same room as him, and our son doesn’t like to be around him. I have major depressive disorder and anxiety, and I am medicated. But still don’t want to be around him or listen to his bullshit. Excuse the language. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m watching him slowly kill himself every day and I am so exhausted.

  24. Olivia says:

    What do you do if the start of your incredible, romantic, crazy romance was all based around alcohol. All those amazing things that are said at the beginning when you’re so naive and you don’t realise the person you are falling for is an alcoholic and all those ‘sincere’ and completely meaningful things they say about you, that make you feel like the goddess you always wanted to feel we’re just them in their buzzing and pissed up state.

    It’s been 3 years on. I feel like an enabler. I am an enabler. I grew up in with an alcoholic sister and I know – textbook – everything to do with addiction, this potential hereditary disease that controls one mind and they’ll only stop if THEY want to stop – AA saved her life and thank god for that. They say we seek out and look for the same people in our lives. So I met an alcoholic. A seriously hot one too. I never was able to fix my sister, and like hell I wish I could have. I saw her pain and her self destruction so up close it still gives me shivers today, and what’s arguably worse is how useless I felt. When I met him I thought: oh hello here we go, I can’t act clever because I’ve been through it all and I can help him, fix him… maybe even save him. What a power trip I was on.

    I’m fucking stupid. These days I drink so much just to keep up with him. Just to get along with him. Although I’m in so much disgrace with myself I’ve found I am drinking for all the wrong reasons myself and getting upset and lashing out when I’m drunk, because it’s not where I wanted to be. I love him. But perhaps if he sobered up he wouldn’t even sincerely love me like he says he does. Sometimes I want him to drink because it’s the person I now know and who I apparently fell in love with. He only tells me how he feels about anything when he’s drunk. I only know his opinions on me when he’s drunk, pretty much. If sober, he’s so grumpy and hates the world.

    I’ve tried everything. For 3 years I genuinely have. From tough love to deep compassion, from encouraging AA to encouraging he takes his own path, to drinking with him and not telling him what to do, to being so drunk myself I manipulatively force him to look after me and make him taste his own medicine.

    This is hell. I love him so much. But he loves alcohol more. And alcohol will always come first. I’m just the third wheel.

  25. Jennifer says:

    I had a first date with the man I’ve been seeing a year ago. He admitted to drinking
    A bit but I don’t drink at all so it wasn’t a red flag. The 2nd date he basically stood
    Me up. I didn’t hear from him for a few months and he asked to go out again. I did and he
    Said he had a problem with drinking beer but that it was handled. I knew that was a red flag
    Because I’d been around the AA rooms. Over the course of a year we dated erratically. I had
    A tough year and never really met anyone else romantically. The last time this man and I
    Had a date he admitted to crashing his car and getting into two bar fights. His face was when
    Swollen and he gained at least 30lbs this year. It’s strange to be attracted to an alcoholic
    Especially as I’m sober for almost 20 years. I hope I have the courage to stop seeing him

  26. Carol says:

    I have broken up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years about four times this past month. I’m 27 and he is 29
    The first time was because he went on a binge drinking for three days, and cheated on me with a stranger one of those days. He says they didn’t have sex, but I’m still scared about it… He has been badly drunk about once or twice every week since that time.

    My thought process is very bizarre. I know I don’t need him in my life. I can support myself alone and I also have family and friends that support me when Im down. I know that his drinking is ruining my life. I know I cant trust him anymore, that all he does is lie to me, that I can’t live this way anymore.
    So technically I should be able to just leave him….

    However, I feel that he needs me to get better. I feel that I love him and that I care about him so much to see him take his life away through the drinking. I feel he is depressed and that me leaving him is just going to make it worse for him and harder for him to get better.

    Everytime I have broken up with him I get really depressed and scared about his life. He goes on a bimge drinking andI end up getting back with him a few days after because I convince myself that if I stick around a bit longer, he will get better. And he always begs me to stay and tells me that he needs me and that he will get better and he will go to treatment. But he hasn’t, he is drunk right now. It’s been months of this back and forth in my mind. I feel so terrible. I wish this was just a dream and not reality. Please God help us all.

  27. Eileene says:

    My boyfriend is an alcoholic on the weekends he drinks from the moment he gets up until he passes out he won’t eat and lies saying he has but I think it’s just so he can keep drinking if he runs out of beer he will go to the bar I always have to be babysitting which he embarrasses me sometomes because he can be a mean idiotic drunk. I’ve been with him on and off for 15 years we’ve lived together for 2. When I’ve brought it up to him he says he will slow down he did stop for whole month but was so different wouldn’t talk or do anything no sex drive just moody. I just hate when he gets to the point that he’s verbally abusive I know he needs counseling he’s supposed to take classes for his DUI he got earlier this year hoping that helps a little..

  28. Tammy says:

    well i don’t see the point in a long detailed story. My boyfriend of 1 year is an Alcoholic, his drink of choose is a pint of vodka which he drinking straight out of the bottle like it’s water. it’s very hard to watch. I guess I want to know what is wrong with me? I know by now he will never stop, that I will never be number 1 in his life, his vodka is loved by him more than his 2 little girls. Over the past few months things have gonna bad. we lost our home because I was the only one working, he started drinking the pints and pints of vodka. He says he has “blackouts” and he will treat me so badly but be nice to anyone else. he has taken to calling me fucking bitch, he has punched holes in the walls of our new place and calling me names the whole time, he will start putting me down saying things i don’t even want to repeat. he told me yesterday that he will stop drinking on monday but he wont, you know. he just won’t. I just cannot believe any more that this person is able to really love anything. the most passion i see from him is giving to his drinking friends.
    I am so hurt and so lonely and depressed. I feel so bad about myself. i try so hard to talk to him but after last night i dont even want to try anymore. his 2 girls live in the house too. I dont knoow how to make this awful feeling i have inside to go away. this whole year he has done so many hurtful things to me and he never changes. It hurts to feel like this over a person who makes you feel like nothing but a replaceable body from the girl before.

  29. Amy says:

    Same here . I’m a few weeks pregnant and I really should’ve thought this through. My b.f and I have been together for three years. He has been in and out of jail for DUI and domestic abuse. I keep thinking things will change but I live a lifestyle where I need to hide my things including my money and car keys because he gets aggressive when he drinks. He has been to drug testing, meetings, jail rehabilitation ect. U name it but once he’s done with his sessions he goes about the drinking again. I don’t think he will ever change honestly because he even admits he has had an alcohol problem since 15 and he is now 26. He needs help. But I don’t think he wants any.

  30. Anon says:

    I’m in the same predicament. My boyfriend of 3.5 years is a drinker and nothing seems to want to make him stop. The police have been called numerous times because of the arguments. He is the most kind, lovely, loyal man but as soon as he has a drink, he is calling me (and my family) all the nasty names under the sun.
    Supportive love won’t work, tough love won’t work. He is depressed and can’t find the motivation to change, so he drinks which sucks the motivation out of him in the first place. It’s the viscous cycle again which so many of you have talked about.
    We’ve always wanted kids together, and we’ve talked about marriage but the drinking causes constant arguments, and it’s chipping away at our relationship.
    I’m currently at my Mum’s because I can’t take it anymore. I just don’t know what to do, I love him so much. It’s killing me to see him like this 🙁

  31. Lonely says:

    Six years ago my husband of now 13 years (together 7 more on top of that) began drinking more than usual after we moved to our new home. I realize it was sparked by stress but it has continued and worsened not gotten better. He drinks at night after work, at home, is not unkind and usually ends up drinking himself to sleep. Our kids don’t often notice because he has been this way so long and he just seems to be silly dad. He drags himself up to tuck them in but then crashes on the couch again after. I am the one it primarily effects. I don’t feel like I can have a real conversation because hes drunk. Or I have no conversation because he’s asleep. I’m alone a lot and lonely. I haven’t talked to anyone because I don’t feel that locally it would stay anonymous. I don’t want to leave. I love him, I love our family life. He’s my best friend. He doesn’t think he has a problem. After all it’s just me it effects. I just don’t want to feel so alone anymore.

  32. WarriorRhonda says:

    We drank together when we first met, I grew out of it, and it seemed like he did too. We got married, had 2 children. Then the alcoholic came back. There were nights I didn’t know where he was, I would drive around looking for him. Then the last day of school for my Kindergarten and 1st grader. He took the kids and their grandpa fishing. He got pulled over and was arrested in another town for DUI. SLOWLY he started to pull it together. Attended an outpatient recovery program, 2 of them. He quit drinking and refused to admit he was an alcoholic. On his one year sobriety date I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I went through treatment, radiation and surgery. WE WENT THROUGH, TOGETHER

  33. Marie says:

    I dont know what to do. I have been dating my boyfriend 1 year and i love him so much. He is perfect; except his drinking. Its starting to bother me more and more. He knows it bothers me. We are on different schedules and he works the 3 to midnight shift. By the time he gets off work, I am sleeping and he goes to the bar. For awhile i was asking him to not go but then i didnt want him to resent me so i asked him to respect me and go home by 2am and not be drunk. He’d stay out till 6 am sometimes! I have no idea if hes lying to me about what time he goes home. The bar closes at 3 and i got a text last night at 330 of him walking his dog. So i found myself here, worried. Am i crazy? Im past the drinking stage. I dont like having more than 1 and that is not everyday. Sometimes if our schedule allows it, where he randomly works a day shift, we will meet after work. Grab dinner and a drink. After our night ends at like 8, im thinking he must be tired and will go home, but he always goes out after. That hurts me too. It makes me feel like his day wasnt complete after seeing me. I feel like im not fun enough because he has to go out and drink after. I feel lile he isnt happy with me because he goes to the bar everynight. Im sorry, going out is fun when you are single and you want to meet someone, but why do you have to constantly do it when you are happy in a relationship. Is he not happy? I do think one day he wont want to hang out with me anymore because i feel like i am a drag to him when i mention anything about drinking too much, or our future. I hate it because he is my everything and so perfect but if his drinking doesnt get under control i will have to end it. I have to stay strong because i dont want to marry into this. It’s my deal breaker.

    He says his frnds are high functioning alcoholics, well he is too if you ask me. Alcoholism does run jn his family too. I wish i could help him. Is there any advice you guys have? I really hate to see my relationship end over this.

  34. Vera says:

    Lynne,
    I am in the same boat as you. Not engaged and able to run. I don’t know what to do.

  35. Anonymous says:

    I have been married for 14 yrs to a man who binge drinks. It scary how much he drinks. He not only drinks he smokes pot. Thursdays he drinks 6 to 7 drinks starting while our child has a friend over for a playdate, keep in mind both children are 5. Then comes Friday night and let the real drinking begin. Every weekend he drinks a full flat of bear and a 2-6 vodka. I have left him once the year. Not sure what to do

  36. Patricia says:

    I have been with my husband for nearly three years. I have provided everything for our family. I have two children with a previous marriage and we have a 6 month old daughter together. When I met my husband I didn’t think anything about him being an alcoholic. I really didn’t even understand the term. I still have a hard time understanding it even though I see it in him every day. I have no family history of it and I can drink a lot and not even feel anything. My husband on the other hand can drink three 25 oz beers and already be slurring his words. We fight a lot because he can’t control himself. He neglets our daughter and me because of it. We don’t have a love life anymore. He passes out regularly. He lies so much now I am not sure he can tell the truth. He can’t keep a job and I have had to pay our way most of our relationship. He has talked to other women since we have been together because of this issue as well. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m fed up. I’m about at that point that I just want out of our relationship. I do know alcolism is a sickness and can’t be cured overnight. But if he doesn’t quit soon then I can’t keep this up. I have to worry about what’s best for the kids and me. I do love him and I know he loves me and he has a problem. I’m just so very unhappy and stressed out constantly.

  37. Sammy Jenshine says:

    My man and I have been together for almost 3 years, we met when I started working at a bar. It was his local “after work drinking spot’. He would always come in when I was working, and we hit it off. It took him 4 months to work up the courage to ask me out and he took me out to a football game.

    I fell for him instantly, and knew I wanted this tall, gorgeous man to be my person. He made me laugh and we challenged each others conversation, We became best friends.
    The thing is, I knew he was a drinker and I always felt he had it under control, we both liked drinking a lot. It took a year, I noticed he wouldn’t have a day off of drinking and started lying about where he was.

    We would have a date set up and he would forget because he was drinking so much somewhere else. He even got so drunk he passed out and left me alone at the bar when we were supposed to be celebrating my birthday.
    This actually became a regular thing. He was always late. He had to leave work and go to the bar first. No matter if he was already late or had a previous commitment. He would just end up pushing everything off. It was his weakness.

    We talked about it, of course he promised he would slow down. Made rules for himself, said he would stop doing shots. Then it was I will stop going and drinking for my lunch break. He would be able to do this for only two days. After that he was back to normal taking shots of jagar and enough Guinness that he wouldn’t even have dinner.

    I realized how much he was at the bar and found out he didnt eat breakfast or lunch. He would have 4 drinks at lunch then when he finished work he would drink more. He would drink so much he would stumble home and pass out.

    He had back problems and would use it as an aid to sleep. He quoted “its the only way I can sleep all night without being waked up by pain.” Of course that means he doesnt make love to me when he comes home. Im waiting for him to finally get home from the bar and doesnt even hang out with me.

    His apartment has not been cleaned properly in 15 years. First because he never was taught. I guess his mother assumed he would find a wife and she would take care of the household. Her son is an alcoholic that cant take care of his living space. Second he gets anxiety about how dirty it is and then leaves to go to the bar to ignore it.

    He physically grabbed my arm for the first time in anger and even pushed me against his apartment wall so hard I hit my head. I had bruises for 5 days and was sore. When I brought it up, He said “deal with it.” My man is sweet and caring and loves hugs. This is not my man.

    We never lived together but I packed my stuff up from his apartment and I left 5 days ago, I contacted a doctor and sent the information to my man. I dont know if this is right but I gave him an ultimatum. Drinking or me. I let him know i love him everyday. I just wont be with him until he makes his choice. Maybe ill have to let him go. Now I am not sure what I am more scared of. A black eye or worse… or losing my best friend and not being able to help him.

  38. steph says:

    I read these comments and it breaks my heart to know there are so many people suffering much like me. I am currently sitting in a hotel and my “boyfriend” is at the bar getting plastered. Its like I may as well be invisible. He gets. Upset if I. Not sitting near him but never notices when i walk away. Its his birthday today but does that mean he gets a pass to be an asshole to me and treat me as though i dont exist? Its so sad. I feel so alone like why am i here with someone who could care less if i was here or not? I want to just drive off snd leave him here and move on with my life because thus is bullshit. I deserve someone who wants to be near me, and so does everyone else out there dealing with an alcoholic. Its plain to see nothing matters but the drink and thats it. I pray to God to remove me from this situation and bring me better love but I know moving on is completely up to me. Why? Why do I continue to take this? I dont know. I need help breAking away from this situation.

  39. Sue says:

    I loved a man deeply for 25 years…we had a good life for a long time which he’s always battled alcoholism…one day he started drinking heavy and never looked back until our marriage was completely destroyed…we divorced…he moved out and we don’t see each other no more…it’s for the best…

  40. Michelle says:

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. He is 21 and I am 19. He has always been a social drinker, and we actually met when we were both drinking at a friends party. I am also a social drinker, but don’t feel I NEED to drink anytime my friends are, I have no problem being the DD when we go out.
    When we first started dating, he would ONLY drink on the weekends. Friday OR Saturday night, but not often both days.
    Him and his friends now drink every single weekend, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. They are all the types of people who will drink until they are absolutely smashed, and egg each other on to drink more. Him and his friends all work hard labour jobs Monday to Friday, but also now drink throughout the week after work.
    Before going to the bar, he will often drink an entire 40L bottle of Crown Royal and then spend $60-80 more at the bar on drinks, getting a beer and a double crown and coke drink each time.
    His job requires him to work long hours all summer, spring and fall, but to be unemployed for the winters. This winter was specifically tough for him, he lost his grandmother in January and was extremely close with her.
    Ever since his grandma had passed, I realized his drinking has been increasing, A LOT. He used to be a huge gym rat and would workout daily. This winter, he gained about 40 pounds and has stopped going to the gym. Now, whenever I ask to go, he says he’s too tired or instead would rather go out and have drinks at a pub or restaurant.
    He chooses drinking over a lot of things now.
    Being unemployed, he obviously didn’t have as much money as he had while he was working, yet still ALWAYS had money for the bar.
    Now that he’s back to work, he owes his mom, his dad and I hundreds of dollars, but chooses to spend his money on booze and going out, then paying us back.
    It has gotten so bad that his mom had to ask another family member for rent money because she couldn’t afford to pay her rent without the money my boyfriend owes her.

    I’m really worried about him, and every time I try to talk to him about this drinking situation, he laughs at me and think’s I’m over exaggerating or making things up.
    It’s gotten to the point where I’m embarrassed to be out with him, I don’t like who he is anymore, but obviously still love him.
    I don’t know what to do, or how to address the situation to him without jumping down his throat calling him an alcoholic.
    I don’t know how to make him realize that he has a problem.
    I need help.
    HE needs help.

  41. live ur life says:

    wow I can’t believe all the comments. I have learned after many years that we cannot make them stop. They promise to cut back and they might once or twice by a couple of beers but the end result is the same. I have spent countless nights crying and stressed and it starts from the minute I hear the clang of those damn bottles. I hate it. the highlight of my night is when he passes out and hopefully without an argument. I see it as a problem and he doesn’t. it has ruined many events including family vacations and functions. I have tried everything from being supportive to counting the beers and nothing helps. He actually drinks more when he thinks I don’t know how many he has had. I can’t help him and he doesnt want help bad enough to change things. so we need to change our way of thinking. we need to find an outlet (and I don’t mean start drinking too). get a hobby, make plans with friends or family and let them sit home alone and drink. After all, it’s no longer a conscious choice if it’s an addiction. they have to want to stop…sometimes even hitting rock bottom doesn’t do it. so the way I see it is that WE *THE NON DRINKERS, need to find new coping mechanisms besides crying, arguing, begging. If you can’t take it anymore, leave. I have finally after all these years (and I mean lotsa years), make plans on the nights I know he’s gonna drink. my hair appointments to pedicures to meeting a friend for a long overdue dinner. that way, I’m staying busy and happy. he’s staying happy too. it’s obviously not the best case scenario but way better than what it used to be.

  42. lynne says:

    I met my now fiance when I was 22 years old. I was a senior in college, had three jobs and a twice-a-week internship. He was 26, had a great job, handsome, tall and was extremely genuine — and he made me laugh. He loved to go to happy hour on Thursdays and out drinking almost every weekend — didn’t seem out of the ordinary — I was the only person I knew, my age, working almost 40 hours a week and a full-time student.

    His lifestyle seemed normal and fun. I enjoyed being able to let loose once or twice a week and go drinking/partying with him. I was a senior in college and it seemed so normal. It really wasn’t until I graduated from college, got a full-time management position right away, and we moved into an apartment together, that I noticed something wasn’t right.

    I wrongly assumed that once we moved in together, both had great full-time jobs, that the partying would naturally slow down. It did for me! I was no longer interested in drinking nearly as much as he was. I started noticing that he not only drank at dinner when we went out to eat, but also every night with dinner — at that time around 3 or 4 beers. i still didn’t really notice an issue. He is the size of an NFL quarterback, so I thought that my occasional one beer was about equal to his occasional three or four.

    I thought our weekend activities would change. They didn’t — not for a very long time — he still wanted to go out every weekend– he was still spending hundreds of dollars of his money on booze instead of saving or paying off his student loans. A functioning alcoholic to the tee. He was a true weekend warrior — he worked every week just so he could get to the weekend and party. He doesn’t know how to stop drinking once he’s started.

    Fast-forward almost 3 years later — we are engaged and getting married in less than a month. I am scared. He has promised many times to slow down — and honestly since we first met he has — weekends at the club/bar are rare — but he still has a problem. I find empty nips in the trash and once a half-empty bottle in his car. He can go about 5-14 days max without a drink, but never longer. The lying is what hurts the most.

    it’s very hard for me to understand this disease — I drank a lot for a while — but I grew out of it and stopped. I was simply done feeling sick and wanted to have productive weekends and days, rather than wasting them being drunk or hung over. Why claim that you ‘want’ to stop? Why claim that you are ‘trying’ to stop — but you don’t and can’t.

    I am starting to wish I ran a long time ago. He told me he would be home from his work function (at a bar) 2.5 hours ago. His phone is off and I feel like a fool. This isn’t the first time this has happened — and today is my birthday. What the hell have I done?

    I feel like a fool.

  43. Kandy says:

    Well, I must be nuts. I hooked up with my ex — we just lost a really good friend to a drug overdose. I am so afraid I am going to lose him. I just pray that he will go into treatment as he says he will. I know I can’t do anything, other than be there for him, but it is hard to watch him make these choices.

  44. molly says:

    My husband has a bad drinking problem. I pray he would stop. He is a good provider. We’ve been married 23 years and divorced 15, now back together. I love him and realized I didn’t want to be alone, but now I know why I divorced him. He would rather drink than be sober with me. He drinks and passes out! I hate it. I feel so alone. I wish he would stop.

  45. Megan says:

    I really don’t think it’s because they don’t love you. Addiction makes one selfish. I remember when I was using, I’d pick my addiction over everything and everyone. Then I felt guilty about it. And I used more. Used more, hurt more — a vicious cycle. It was an excuse to keep using.

    The addict has to love themselves enough to quit drinking or using. They could have every ounce of love for you and the world, but at the end of the day it’s their choice. It’s a very unhealthy way to guilt an addict into quitting. It will never work. Besides, if you can’t love yourself, you could never love anyone else either.

  46. Val says:

    I have been with the love of my life for 2.5 years. We currently have a 15-month-old son and I have a 6-year-old from a previous relationship. I am 29 years old and the very first day I met him he was covered in the smell of an alcoholic. I knew the signs and ignored them, until later that night I called him out and said he was an alcoholic. I did not make it any better, because I ordered a drink for myself.

    He has been battling alcoholism for a long time. Both his grandfather and father fought off the disease. The nights we seem to have are like battle zones. We moved in together and for what. He hasn’t helped me with any of the bills, because of his drinking. I have woken up to find him missing. He has stolen from me and our kids. Our sex life is non existent. I have to wake up early to work and it’s very stressful, and I come home and literally do the most. He doesn’t go grocery shopping, so I have chosen to leave him. He has even keyed my car when I finally did throw him out. We have fought and it’s just not good for the kids. I told him if he can’t pay for the damages and then agree to get counseling, we will never be together again.

    I am so grateful to hear these stories. I love him, I do — but some way or another I have become exhausted, as if I am the one who is drinking and ruining my life. I stop by occasionally at his job to remind him of what is waiting for him, but I can’t live with him. He needs to feel for me the way he feels for alcohol, the way I feel for him. We are a family and I will continue to love and support him, just not highlighting his negatives and try to be a lil more loving. I guess I could of been more loving if he just was more responsible. Hope our situation gets better, because all these stories are super similar.

  47. Andrea says:

    Not married. I dated my childhood crush for 6.5 years. I have known him for 25 years. We had a child together. He lived in Texas.

    I knew he was a drinker before he moved out to California to be with me. His choice, not mine. I have a child from a previous relationship. When he first moved here, my oldest daughter would go with her dad and we would go party. Not knowing he was a heavy drinker and a not-so-nice drunk. He did not know his limit. He would drink and drink and drink. He is not a functional drunk by any means. After a few huge fights, I stopped going out and drinking with him.

    When he first moved out here, he lived with his mom for well over a year before I allowed him to move in with me, because he was not working. His drinking was so bad he would pass out in the bathroom, living room, drive way, car, and even the dirt lot next to the house. He would have no control over his functions. Within a year of living here, he got a drunk in public.

    In the 7 years here, he has 2 DUIs with a blood alcohol level of 3-to-4 times the legal limit, and a drunk in public. He is loud. He is annoying. We live in a small town so everyone knows of him or about him and his ways with drinking. 98% of the people just tolerate him. We are now broken-up and have been for 7 months.

    It is so heart-breaking to sit back and watch the love of my life drink his life away. His dad is an alcoholic and lost everything (career as a marine, wife and kids). Out of 4 kids, he is the only one who followed in his dad’s foot steps and he is not even the youngest one. He is 30 and lives with his mom. He is always at a bar.

  48. Kandy says:

    I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 months now. He drinks every day, stands me up, lies daily, argues, but can be very sweet and loving when he wants. The problem is I am almost 9 years in recovery from alcohol and drugs, but I am also 6 yrs older than he is and now I have kicked him out, and he is back at the homeless shelter. He doesn’t seem to care if he is homeless, and also no job. Now I am alone again, as I can’t live with someone who drinks every day. What a shame.

  49. Anonymous says:

    My husband and I have been married for 2-1/2 years. While we were dating, we’d have a couple of beers a couple of nights a week. Never really got drunk together. Never saw any red flags. He was affectionate, romantic, attentive. After we got married, we immediately moved out of state. Things went downhill fast.

    It’s like he became a different person overnight. No longer did he feel the need to sit next to me at restaurants. Gone was the snuggling and the romance and the butterflies. I had a difficult time finding a job after we moved and it was a really difficult time for us. I got really depressed and we were broke, but he ALWAYS had beer. Regardless of how dire the situation was, he could afford that beer. He wasn’t supportive or understanding while I was looking for work. He just blamed me for all the stress in his life and for his drinking. He basically made it sound like my unemployment was his reason for drinking. Forget that I’m an absolute wreck!

    4 months passed before I found a job. It’s a great job! I love it. We’ve moved to a better part of town into a nicer house. We’ve taken up camping and really enjoy doing that together. The problem is, he can’t go one night without a 6-pack or more. There have been a few times when he’s been passed out snoring and I attempted to wake him up to roll over and he’s started slapping or hitting me. When he “comes to,” he acts like I was attacking him and he has no idea what is happening. Aside from those 2-3 times, he’s not really a mean drunk, but those two or three times were horrible; threatening suicide, breaking his brand new iPhone, calling me every name in the book.

    I’ve begged him to stop drinking. I’ve even started sleeping in the guest room on nights that he drinks, but he still would rather have beer. He has literally chosen beer over me 9 out of the past 11 nights. I’m concerned for his health and concerned because as much as I love him, I don’t really like him anymore. We’ve been planning this great outdoors weekend that kicks off in the morning, and I’m actually dreading it. My hair is literally falling out from the stress and anxiety caused by his drinking. We’re never intimate. He won’t have an adult conversation with me about anything.

    No idea what to do, where I draw the line, how I get him to get help. I’ve tried everything I could think of. It doesn’t help when I’m super supportive and it doesn’t help when I go to bed at 7:30 to avoid being around him. Ugh. It’s so frustrating.

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