Comments on: Step Seven http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven Mon, 06 Feb 2012 20:40:03 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: Catherine http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-3774 Catherine Fri, 29 Jul 2011 21:12:24 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-3774 Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings. For me Step 7 is an ongoing step as character defects {shortcomings} are revealed to me. In maintaining rigorous honesty in Steps 4 and 5, in how I was affected by the disease in growing up, new life experiences reveal underlying character defects that still play out in my adult relationships. “HUMBLY”, means I understand by now that I am in right relationship with a God that has compassion and love for my humanity and I have some awareness of my strengths and limitations. But, I choose to grow! So in order to grow, aspects of my self that are not conducive to healthy relating need to be removed. I need God’s help in their removal so I “ASK”. “OUR” reminds me that I am not alone. Everyone I walk with in Al-Anon suffers from the same challenges and defects as me in varying degrees, depending on how they were affected. There is no shame in sharing our common humanity. That is the beauty of our Al-Anon fellowship. We share a common bond of suffering from the effects of another’s drinking behavior/alcoholism. Step 7 tells me that if I truly understand and am experiencing the pain and limitations of holding onto a part of my character that blocks my growth, God’s awesome power will move me further into the sunlight of my spirit, if I so humbly ask. Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.

For me Step 7 is an ongoing step as character defects {shortcomings} are revealed to me. In maintaining rigorous honesty in Steps 4 and 5, in how I was affected by the disease in growing up, new life experiences reveal underlying character defects that still play out in my adult relationships. “HUMBLY”, means I understand by now that I am in right relationship with a God that has compassion and love for my humanity and I have some awareness of my strengths and limitations. But, I choose to grow! So in order to grow, aspects of my self that are not conducive to healthy relating need to be removed. I need God’s help in their removal so I “ASK”.
“OUR” reminds me that I am not alone. Everyone I walk with in Al-Anon suffers from the same challenges and defects as me in varying degrees, depending on how they were affected. There is no shame in sharing our common humanity. That is the beauty of our Al-Anon fellowship. We share a common bond of suffering from the effects of another’s drinking behavior/alcoholism.
Step 7 tells me that if I truly understand and am experiencing the pain and limitations of holding onto a part of my character that blocks my growth, God’s awesome power will move me further into the sunlight of my spirit, if I so humbly ask.

]]> By: Mary Beth S. http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-3770 Mary Beth S. Fri, 22 Jul 2011 17:18:46 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-3770 I asked God, humbly, to remove my short comings. I realized I needed my Higher Power's help. Yet I found I really did NOT want to surrender all my character defects. Part of me believed there was a "pay off," an advantage to with holding fear. Fear protected me, I thought. And I do believe that there is a healthy element of fear that I need. This healthy element of fear accompanies a realistic view of my relationships and situations. I am no longer in denial about how I can be emotionally hurt - or even physically hurt - in certain relationships. So a healthy fear keeps me focused on staying healthy, protecting myself, and having an alternate plan when I choose to place myself in a situation where there is the possibility of harm. I do not everemphasize the possible harm nor minimize it. My sponsor helps me keep a realistic view, and keep the problem in its true perspective. But I have surrendered the unhealthy fear of opening myself to others so I won't get rejected, or I won't have to confront growing pains. That exaggerated fear, which does NOT help me, I surrender willingly to my Higher Power. I can do so with the help of my sponsor and program friends and attending meetings and reading CAL. I ask myself, "Am I over reacting?" and I also ask myself, "Am I taking a situation too personally?" When I detach from a situation, really emotionally detach with love, I can place a problem in its true perspective. I can really assess whether or not my fear is healthy, or a character defect I need to ask my Higher Power to remove. I asked God, humbly, to remove my short comings. I realized I needed my Higher Power’s help. Yet I found I really did NOT want to surrender all my character defects. Part of me believed there was a “pay off,” an advantage to with holding fear. Fear protected me, I thought. And I do believe that there is a healthy element of fear that I need. This healthy element of fear accompanies a realistic view of my relationships and situations. I am no longer in denial about how I can be emotionally hurt – or even physically hurt – in certain relationships. So a healthy fear keeps me focused on staying healthy, protecting myself, and having an alternate plan when I choose to place myself in a situation where there is the possibility of harm. I do not everemphasize the possible harm nor minimize it. My sponsor helps me keep a realistic view, and keep the problem in its true perspective.

But I have surrendered the unhealthy fear of opening myself to others so I won’t get rejected, or I won’t have to confront growing pains. That exaggerated fear, which does NOT help me, I surrender willingly to my Higher Power. I can do so with the help of my sponsor and program friends and attending meetings and reading CAL. I ask myself, “Am I over reacting?” and I also ask myself, “Am I taking a situation too personally?” When I detach from a situation, really emotionally detach with love, I can place a problem in its true perspective. I can really assess whether or not my fear is healthy, or a character defect I need to ask my Higher Power to remove.

]]> By: anonymous http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-3769 anonymous Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:49:46 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-3769 Step Seven 7/19/11 Step Seven - Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. Until I did a thorough Step Four and then Step Five, I did not understand Steps Six and Seven. Only when I fully understood that my problems came from my choices did I appreciate Six and Seven. I started out thinking that Step Seven meant that once I identified a defect and asked for it to be removed, that it would be. When it wasn't I felt frustrated. Over time I stopped giving orders to the god of my understanding and began to emphasize my willingness to not get my way, to be of service, to change. There is a moment just before I misbehave when I have a choice about my action. When I can remember to ask the god of my understanding for help right in that moment, I am more likely to surrender my will and to do the right thing - keep silent, say thank you, speak up - whatever the right thing is. I can ask right in the moment for the defect to leave me. My sponsor told me that the way I would know that I had really done Step Seven was to move on to Step Eight. If I was resisting anything about making a list of those I had harmed, if I was unwilling to make amends, then perhaps I was not yet ready to be changed, and I could return to Step Seven. Fear and pride have been obstacles to making amends. When they get in my way, I spend time on Steps Six and Seven, becoming willing to change and asking for help. At a meeting someone suggested that perhaps the god of my understanding sometimes uses me and my defects to carry a message of how not to behave. She would cheerily say, "Oh, today it was my turn to be the bad example!" This idea has helped me both with self acceptance and with feeling compassion for someone who has been out of line. Perhaps the person who is annoying me today is also being of service to god by being the 'bad example.' Step Seven 7/19/11
Step Seven – Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Until I did a thorough Step Four and then Step Five, I did not understand Steps Six and Seven. Only when I fully understood that my problems came from my choices did I appreciate Six and Seven.

I started out thinking that Step Seven meant that once I identified a defect and asked for it to be removed, that it would be. When it wasn’t I felt frustrated. Over time I stopped giving orders to the god of my understanding and began to emphasize my willingness to not get my way, to be of service, to change.

There is a moment just before I misbehave when I have a choice about my action. When I can remember to ask the god of my understanding for help right in that moment, I am more likely to surrender my will and to do the right thing – keep silent, say thank you, speak up – whatever the right thing is. I can ask right in the moment for the defect to leave me.

My sponsor told me that the way I would know that I had really done Step Seven was to move on to Step Eight. If I was resisting anything about making a list of those I had harmed, if I was unwilling to make amends, then perhaps I was not yet ready to be changed, and I could return to Step Seven. Fear and pride have been obstacles to making amends. When they get in my way, I spend time on Steps Six and Seven, becoming willing to change and asking for help.

At a meeting someone suggested that perhaps the god of my understanding sometimes uses me and my defects to carry a message of how not to behave. She would cheerily say, “Oh, today it was my turn to be the bad example!” This idea has helped me both with self acceptance and with feeling compassion for someone who has been out of line. Perhaps the person who is annoying me today is also being of service to god by being the ‘bad example.’

]]> By: Chris R http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-3764 Chris R Wed, 13 Jul 2011 01:36:05 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-3764 I came to Al-Anon believing it was other people’s shortcomings that had adversely affected my life. It was their short comings that needed to be removed. As I worked my way through the steps I came to an awareness of how I contributed to those problems. I realized nothing would change if I did not change. Once I put the focus on me, I realized I could change my life by making changes and stop contributing to the problems. I wasn’t responsible for what others did, but I was responsible for what I did. Once I realized this, it dawned on me I reacted to others irresponsibly. I needed to stop reacting. That was a problem. I realized I was powerless over my reactions. I wanted to change, but I couldn’t bring myself to make those changes. It was Step 6 that brought me to the point I was ready to have God remove my character defects, and it was Step 7 when I came to the point of asking God to remove those short comings, because I realized I was powerless to do it myself. I needed help. I had come to the place of humility and asked Him to remove those short comings. I came to Al-Anon believing it was other people’s shortcomings that had adversely affected my life. It was their short comings that needed to be removed. As I worked my way through the steps I came to an awareness of how I contributed to those problems. I realized nothing would change if I did not change.

Once I put the focus on me, I realized I could change my life by making changes and stop contributing to the problems. I wasn’t responsible for what others did, but I was responsible for what I did. Once I realized this, it dawned on me I reacted to others irresponsibly. I needed to stop reacting. That was a problem. I realized I was powerless over my reactions. I wanted to change, but I couldn’t bring myself to make those changes.

It was Step 6 that brought me to the point I was ready to have God remove my character defects, and it was Step 7 when I came to the point of asking God to remove those short comings, because I realized I was powerless to do it myself. I needed help. I had come to the place of humility and asked Him to remove those short comings.

]]> By: Richard http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-3762 Richard Mon, 11 Jul 2011 02:30:03 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-3762 Step Seven is “Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.” A long time ago in Al-Anon someone said that to be humble is to be teachable. To be teachable means that I am to be open to my Higher Power; that I am to know myself to the best of my ability; that I am to accept myself as I am. All of this has nothing to do with knowing others or worrying about others. For the most part, I do now listen to my spiritual self and understand the essentials of my being. Therein lay the good character traits and the defects of character. I only ask for defect removal after realizing that I have been incapable of removing the defects myself. My struggle with defects must cease. I must surrender and turn the defects over the God of my understanding. I ask for defect removal one at a time. It takes time for me to realize the need to release this or that defect of character. Sometimes I come to the realization after hearing a sharing at my Al-Anon meeting. Sometimes I come to the realization after self reflection and meditation. My burden is lighter with each turnover of a character defect to the God of my understanding. Step Eight and Step Nine are follow-up to Step Seven. With each burden and defect that I release, I find the need to replace that part of my life with something positive; else my life can end up with a lot of holes in it. My life is better now and my path is truer. Step Seven is “Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.” A long time ago in Al-Anon someone said that to be humble is to be teachable. To be teachable means that I am to be open to my Higher Power; that I am to know myself to the best of my ability; that I am to accept myself as I am. All of this has nothing to do with knowing others or worrying about others. For the most part, I do now listen to my spiritual self and understand the essentials of my being. Therein lay the good character traits and the defects of character.

I only ask for defect removal after realizing that I have been incapable of removing the defects myself. My struggle with defects must cease. I must surrender and turn the defects over the God of my understanding. I ask for defect removal one at a time. It takes time for me to realize the need to release this or that defect of character. Sometimes I come to the realization after hearing a sharing at my Al-Anon meeting. Sometimes I come to the realization after self reflection and meditation.

My burden is lighter with each turnover of a character defect to the God of my understanding. Step Eight and Step Nine are follow-up to Step Seven. With each burden and defect that I release, I find the need to replace that part of my life with something positive; else my life can end up with a lot of holes in it. My life is better now and my path is truer.

]]> By: Jo H. http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-3759 Jo H. Fri, 08 Jul 2011 13:48:20 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-3759 I've choked on the "humbly" part of this Step more than once. It is a necessary, important word, a huge part of what this Step says to me. But, getting myself into a humble Step is not easy. I need the help of my Higher Power to do so. When something is taken, it's often a good thing for me to replace it with something else, something healthier, more productive, without hurtful consequences. Some folks even say that it is a good idea to replace one addiction with another one, a "good" one. I don't know that i'd say that, but i grasp the idea. Smokers often go for a walk when trying to quit and it's their usual time for that after-meal smoke. So, for me, i often ask HP to take away what is working against me and give me something that will move me forward and possibly even be a blessing to others. When i am in a humble condition, i see that i am a creature, a simple thing, yet i know that i have extreme value and matter to self and others. I'm going to keep working on this "humble" state which is recommended here in Step 7. I have learned, for sure, that i need help in having shortcomings removed, and i know that help is available. One day at a time, i humbly move towards my goal. I’ve choked on the “humbly” part of this Step more than once. It is a necessary, important word, a huge part of what this Step says to me. But, getting myself into a humble Step is not easy. I need the help of my Higher Power to do so.
When something is taken, it’s often a good thing for me to replace it with something else, something healthier, more productive, without hurtful consequences. Some folks even say that it is a good idea to replace one addiction with another one, a “good” one. I don’t know that i’d say that, but i grasp the idea. Smokers often go for a walk when trying to quit and it’s their usual time for that after-meal smoke. So, for me, i often ask HP to take away what is working against me and give me something that will move me forward and possibly even be a blessing to others.
When i am in a humble condition, i see that i am a creature, a simple thing, yet i know that i have extreme value and matter to self and others. I’m going to keep working on this “humble” state which is recommended here in Step 7. I have learned, for sure, that i need help in having shortcomings removed, and i know that help is available. One day at a time, i humbly move towards my goal.

]]> By: Kathryn http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-3688 Kathryn Mon, 25 Apr 2011 06:40:42 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-3688 Steps 6 and 7 were truly powerful and spiritual steps for me. My higher Power took me on a roller coaster when I was feeling down. I was in an airport and I knelt down indicaing my fervent desire to have my charachter defectss removed that stood in my way. If you are not working the steps or have not gotten past step 3, please get a sponsor and work on. It take all 12 steps to achieve healing and their is no graduation. Don't shortchange yourself, get a sponsor and work the steps. Steps 6 and 7 were truly powerful and spiritual steps for me. My higher Power took me on a roller coaster when I was feeling down. I was in an airport and I knelt down indicaing my fervent desire to have my charachter defectss removed that stood in my way. If you are not working the steps or have not gotten past step 3, please get a sponsor and work on. It take all 12 steps to achieve healing and their is no graduation. Don’t shortchange yourself, get a sponsor and work the steps.

]]> By: Carrie C. http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-1352 Carrie C. Wed, 10 Nov 2010 06:49:01 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-1352 Step Seven is a work in progress for me. I like to hold on to my defects so strongly because they are comfortable. I think part of it is once again having that need for control from being raised in an alcoholism, but also an abusive environment. Asking my higher power to remove my shortcomings is a scary thing for me. Step Three is put the the test here. I need to "put my money where my mouth is", and trust in an HP. Which can be hard for abused children when people become god and it's a punishing one. Right now I've had a slew of different things occurring. My awarenesses have slightly overwhelmed me, and in response I must depend on other people to help me get through it. But that is why I came to Al-anon was for the support. The group has helped me in the subtlest ways that have had such a profound affect on me. By simply reaching out and talking to group members and attempting to establish relationships is so important. Because for me, as much as I don't want to admit it, If I'm left alone to my own devices I will revert into myself and that causes problems for my growth. So reaching out is a way that I'm discovering can put me in check, and help remind me that people still love me, and my HP still loves me, even if I don't do it perfectly. For me right now Step Seven is about creating boundaries and not worrying about what other people think, but learning to love myself with my flaws. It is about trusting in a HP and become willing to let go of those things that keep me in a perpetual cycle that is detrimental to me spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. It is still a work in progress, and that also aids in my acceptance of myself. I am a student of life, of living, and growing as a spiritual person. It is also about overcoming those abusive thoughts, that I'm not good enough, or that I am not worthy. It is about developing self confidence and esteem in believing that I am worth it. I am worth it enough to take a chance and change and not be what has happened to me, but be what my soul, my spirit, my honor is and allow that to shine and remove that shell that this disease has encrusted around me and developed because I didn't have help and guidance from a loving HP and people. Step Seven is a work in progress for me. I like to hold on to my defects so strongly because they are comfortable. I think part of it is once again having that need for control from being raised in an alcoholism, but also an abusive environment. Asking my higher power to remove my shortcomings is a scary thing for me. Step Three is put the the test here. I need to “put my money where my mouth is”, and trust in an HP. Which can be hard for abused children when people become god and it’s a punishing one.

Right now I’ve had a slew of different things occurring. My awarenesses have slightly overwhelmed me, and in response I must depend on other people to help me get through it. But that is why I came to Al-anon was for the support. The group has helped me in the subtlest ways that have had such a profound affect on me. By simply reaching out and talking to group members and attempting to establish relationships is so important. Because for me, as much as I don’t want to admit it, If I’m left alone to my own devices I will revert into myself and that causes problems for my growth. So reaching out is a way that I’m discovering can put me in check, and help remind me that people still love me, and my HP still loves me, even if I don’t do it perfectly.

For me right now Step Seven is about creating boundaries and not worrying about what other people think, but learning to love myself with my flaws. It is about trusting in a HP and become willing to let go of those things that keep me in a perpetual cycle that is detrimental to me spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. It is still a work in progress, and that also aids in my acceptance of myself. I am a student of life, of living, and growing as a spiritual person.

It is also about overcoming those abusive thoughts, that I’m not good enough, or that I am not worthy. It is about developing self confidence and esteem in believing that I am worth it. I am worth it enough to take a chance and change and not be what has happened to me, but be what my soul, my spirit, my honor is and allow that to shine and remove that shell that this disease has encrusted around me and developed because I didn’t have help and guidance from a loving HP and people.

]]> By: Pam W. http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-1017 Pam W. Tue, 26 Oct 2010 18:57:02 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-1017 Making a list of my character defects was something that took time and thought. I found it easier to blame the alcoholics in my life for almost everything that went wrong in mine. It was only by listing the defects in black and white on paper, that I could take a good look at what I needed to work on. These were the things that held back from the serenity that I most desired. Getting down on my knees by my bed I humbly asked God to rid me of the insane anger that I felt at having to live with alcoholism. This was the first defect that I identified as something that I wanted God to remove from my life. It was about six months later that I woke up one morning and discovered that I hadn't been violently angry for a long, long time. I do get angry, but not to the extreme that had been part of my daily living for a number of years. The anger I feel today is identified, spoken, and released, not perfectly but released. Over the years I have released a number of my defects to God one at a time. Some of the defects I have hung onto longer and was not quite ready to let go. Sometimes a defect will surface even though I had given it to God. I see it as a test of Step 7, and I ask myself if I am passing the test or failing. Today I can see the results of the passing or the failing and the serenity continues when I pass. I thank God every day for the Al-Anon program and can not imagine life without it. I only hope that more friends and families of Alcoholics will find their way through the doors of Al-Anon knowing it is within God's time and not mine. Making a list of my character defects was something that took time and thought. I found it easier to blame the alcoholics in my life for almost everything that went wrong in mine. It was only by listing the defects in black and white on paper, that I could take a good look at what I needed to work on. These were the things that held back from the serenity that I most desired. Getting down on my knees by my bed I humbly asked God to rid me of the insane anger that I felt at having to live with alcoholism. This was the first defect that I identified as something that I wanted God to remove from my life. It was about six months later that I woke up one morning and discovered that I hadn’t been violently angry for a long, long time. I do get angry, but not to the extreme that had been part of my daily living for a number of years. The anger I feel today is identified, spoken, and released, not perfectly but released. Over the years I have released a number of my defects to God one at a time. Some of the defects I have hung onto longer and was not quite ready to let go. Sometimes a defect will surface even though I had given it to God. I see it as a test of Step 7, and I ask myself if I am passing the test or failing. Today I can see the results of the passing or the failing and the serenity continues when I pass. I thank God every day for the Al-Anon program and can not imagine life without it. I only hope that more friends and families of Alcoholics will find their way through the doors of Al-Anon knowing it is within God’s time and not mine.

]]> By: Dianna http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-463 Dianna Mon, 16 Aug 2010 16:29:18 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-463 While working my steps with my sponsor, I was listening to a tape she had given me. The lady on the tape was talking about all of our character defects being rooted in fear. Either fear that I would lose something I already had, or fear I wouldn't get something I wanted. Fear is very selfish. But the root part made me visualize a tree. This was an old dead, scraggly tree, where the roots were fear, then moving up the trunk was distrust, or trust in the wrong things or distorted trust, and the main branches were control and judgementalism. Then the branches had a lot of smaller branches and twigs. Shooting off from control was rescuer, caretaker, people-pleasing, quick fixes, taking on another's responsibilities, bossy, stubborn, perfectionism and others. Shooting off from the judgementalism was envy, rigid thinking, gossip, intolerance, criticizing others, insecurities, jealousy, and more. So when it came time to write down my assets, I visualized a tree that was opposite the Character Defect Tree, I made an asset tree. Instead of being rooted in fear, I put faith. Being present, trust, pausing, think, conscious contact with my HP, forgiveness, and clear thinking. Then the trunk of the asset tree was putting my HP first - trust in HP, being considerate, thoughtful of others, patience, we're all doing the best we can. Instead of Control I prayed for being able to Let Go - self-control, to be HP pleasing, doing my part, and leave the rest to God, caring, but HP saves-not me. Helpful and giving, but not rescuing. Praying for clear boundaries, respect for all, calmness, promptness and being industrious and cooperating with others. And instead of judgementalism I prayed for tolerance, acceptance, generosity, open-mindedness, becoming a better listener, humility, and an even deeper trust with my HP. So when I pray the step 3 and 7 prayers, I also pray for me to be that beautiful blooming asset tree that I am becoming, every day. I find visualizing that tree helps me be more aware of who I am becoming, instead of who I used to be. While working my steps with my sponsor, I was listening to a tape she had given me. The lady on the tape was talking about all of our character defects being rooted in fear. Either fear that I would lose something I already had, or fear I wouldn’t get something I wanted. Fear is very selfish. But the root part made me visualize a tree. This was an old dead, scraggly tree, where the roots were fear, then moving up the trunk was distrust, or trust in the wrong things or distorted trust, and the main branches were control and judgementalism.
Then the branches had a lot of smaller branches and twigs. Shooting off from control was rescuer, caretaker, people-pleasing, quick fixes, taking on another’s responsibilities, bossy, stubborn, perfectionism and others.
Shooting off from the judgementalism was envy, rigid thinking, gossip, intolerance, criticizing others, insecurities, jealousy, and more. So when it came time to write down my assets, I visualized a tree that was opposite the Character Defect Tree, I made an asset tree.

Instead of being rooted in fear, I put faith. Being present, trust, pausing, think, conscious contact with my HP, forgiveness, and clear thinking.
Then the trunk of the asset tree was putting my HP first – trust in HP, being considerate, thoughtful of others, patience, we’re all doing the best we can.
Instead of Control I prayed for being able to Let Go – self-control, to be HP pleasing, doing my part, and leave the rest to God, caring, but HP saves-not me. Helpful and giving, but not rescuing. Praying for clear boundaries, respect for all, calmness, promptness and being industrious and cooperating with others.
And instead of judgementalism I prayed for tolerance, acceptance, generosity, open-mindedness, becoming a better listener, humility, and an even deeper trust with my HP.
So when I pray the step 3 and 7 prayers, I also pray for me to be that beautiful blooming asset tree that I am becoming, every day. I find visualizing that tree helps me be more aware of who I am becoming, instead of who I used to be.

]]> By: Linda B. http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-443 Linda B. Mon, 09 Aug 2010 17:31:41 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-443 When I first came to Al-Anon, I had no idea how much I had been affected by the family disease of alcoholism. I was aware of the shortcomings of the alcoholics in my life, but it took me a few years in the program before I started to look at my own defects of character. After being in Al-Anon for a few years I was part of a Step Study Group. The first time, I kinda flew thru step six and seven rather quickly. The second time I studied the steps in depth, I was more aware of my own defects. While I wrote my step four and then shared my step five with another woman I realized how my defects were what was causing hurt in my relationships. I shed many tears and filled the waste basket with tissues. I knew it was me and my shortcomings that needed to change. Our step group had just finished step six as I was leaving to go on a winter vacation in Cuba. I took some reading material along and thought it would be a good chance to work on step seven. I read some literature about step seven , then went for a swim in the ocean. As I floated on my back, the sun shone brightly on me. The warm sun represented my Higher Power. I asked for courage to honestly identify my defects that were causing harm in my relationships. As the sun was beginning to set, I began to walk along the beach. The waves lapped over my feet as I walked. I had a plastic fork with me and as I walked I started to write words into the sand. I wrote fear, worry, anger, control, resentment, obsession, and many other things. It seemed strange to write these words where other people could read them , but my Higher Power was with me and gave me courage to continue. After a while, I turned around and began walking back towards my resort. As I walked some of the words were washed away by the waves, and other words were just partially washed away. I prayed for my Higher Power to help me let go of those things that were holding me back from having healthy relationships. It felt good to write my defects in the sand and I knew I was ready for my God to help me remove them. I came home from my vacation feeling much lighter! When I first came to Al-Anon, I had no idea how much I had been affected by the family disease of alcoholism. I was aware of the shortcomings of the alcoholics in my life, but it took me a few years in the program before I started to look at my own defects of character.

After being in Al-Anon for a few years I was part of a Step Study Group. The first time, I kinda flew thru step six and seven rather quickly. The second time I studied the steps in depth, I was more aware of my own defects.

While I wrote my step four and then shared my step five with another woman I realized how my defects were what was causing hurt in my relationships. I shed many tears and filled the waste basket with tissues. I knew it was me and my shortcomings that needed to change.

Our step group had just finished step six as I was leaving to go on a winter vacation in Cuba. I took some reading material along and thought it would be a good chance to work on step seven.

I read some literature about step seven , then went for a swim in the ocean. As I floated on my back, the sun shone brightly on me. The warm sun represented my Higher Power. I asked for courage to honestly identify my defects that were causing harm in my relationships.

As the sun was beginning to set, I began to walk along the beach. The waves lapped over my feet as I walked. I had a plastic fork with me and as I walked I started to write words into the sand. I wrote fear, worry, anger, control, resentment, obsession, and many other things. It seemed strange to write these words where other people could read them , but my Higher Power was with me and gave me courage to continue.

After a while, I turned around and began walking back towards my resort. As I walked some of the words were washed away by the waves, and other words were just partially washed away. I prayed for my Higher Power to help me let go of those things that were holding me back from having healthy relationships. It felt good to write my defects in the sand and I knew I was ready for my God to help me remove them. I came home from my vacation feeling much lighter!

]]> By: Rose http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-428 Rose Thu, 05 Aug 2010 08:35:50 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-428 Thank you for the sharing thus far. I am on holiday without a local meeting and the sharing is a help. Step Seven I find fascinating in that I humbly ask and then I move on to the next step! I still imagine I would need to wait whilst the removing is taking place. And for me inherent in the nature of continuing on to the next Step is how I can treat myself in regards to my shortcomings. What I mean is that I do not linger or stare at my shortcomings as I have found this does not boil the kettle faster, solve problems or remove my defects! It is a bit like what I have learnt in our meetings about looking back without staring. Step Seven incorporates well into the Al-Anon Family Group practice of Awareness, Acceptance and Action. Awareness has grown about who I am as I have been working the previous Steps. Humility is mine when I accept this is who I am good and bad and although I may try to it is not mine to remove my shortcomings. The words of the Step clearly indicate my part and my Higher Powers part – mine is to be humble and to ask for help, my HPs part is to remove my shortcomings, humility is mine again as I recognize my job in the relationship. Action is in the asking for help and in the Steps to follow. As I incorporate the discipline of this step into my Step Ten practice I think that same awareness, acceptance, and action can be applied to my mistakes of each day. Therefore as I make a spot check or a days end inventory when I recognize my shortcoming such as feeling fearful when my husband is fearful I have awareness, I practice Step Seven when I accept myself as I humbly ask my HP to remove my shortcoming and then for the rest of what to do see the next two steps. Thank you for the sharing thus far. I am on holiday without a local meeting and the sharing is a help. Step Seven I find fascinating in that I humbly ask and then I move on to the next step! I still imagine I would need to wait whilst the removing is taking place. And for me inherent in the nature of continuing on to the next Step is how I can treat myself in regards to my shortcomings. What I mean is that I do not linger or stare at my shortcomings as I have found this does not boil the kettle faster, solve problems or remove my defects! It is a bit like what I have learnt in our meetings about looking back without staring.

Step Seven incorporates well into the Al-Anon Family Group practice of Awareness, Acceptance and Action. Awareness has grown about who I am as I have been working the previous Steps. Humility is mine when I accept this is who I am good and bad and although I may try to it is not mine to remove my shortcomings. The words of the Step clearly indicate my part and my Higher Powers part – mine is to be humble and to ask for help, my HPs part is to remove my shortcomings, humility is mine again as I recognize my job in the relationship. Action is in the asking for help and in the Steps to follow.

As I incorporate the discipline of this step into my Step Ten practice I think that same awareness, acceptance, and action can be applied to my mistakes of each day. Therefore as I make a spot check or a days end inventory when I recognize my shortcoming such as feeling fearful when my husband is fearful I have awareness, I practice Step Seven when I accept myself as I humbly ask my HP to remove my shortcoming and then for the rest of what to do see the next two steps.

]]> By: Judy http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-409 Judy Mon, 26 Jul 2010 03:20:35 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-409 Step Seven was a turning point for me. Did I dare ask Him to remove my shortcomings? I certainly knew I had been unable to make my shortcomings go away, no matter how hard I worked at it, but I was uncertain how this power would work and what I would look like without my familiar, negative traits. After all, they were mine. What would a "stranger" do with my shortcomings? Would I be just a shell? Who would I be when the removal was over? Would I have no character left? Maybe having a character with negative traits was better than having none at all. These were my confused thoughts prior to Step Seven. Then I realized how little trust and faith I had in this Higher Power. If I, a human, was gentle with friends I cared about, wouldn't the Higher Power be gentle with me? I realized I needed to trust that the Higher Power would not beat me up in this process. My shortcomings would be removed in ways I did not understand, maybe not even see, and the removal would not happen all at once. A daily reading suggested that I stop worrying about my negative traits and focus on cultivating postive ones. I had my work. The Higher Power had "His." Being humble meant being brave enough to give the Higher Power a chance and ask for this gift. I have to say that I never felt a knife cut me, I never felt a pain, and I never had to recover from any spiritual operation! Many of my shortcoming were removed because I asked--what painless surgery of the soul. Step Seven was a turning point for me. Did I dare ask Him to remove my shortcomings? I certainly knew I had been unable to make my shortcomings go away, no matter how hard I worked at it, but I was uncertain how this power would work and what I would look like without my familiar, negative traits. After all, they were mine. What would a “stranger” do with my shortcomings? Would I be just a shell? Who would I be when the removal was over? Would I have no character left? Maybe having a character with negative traits was better than having none at all. These were my confused thoughts prior to Step Seven.

Then I realized how little trust and faith I had in this Higher Power. If I, a human, was gentle with friends I cared about, wouldn’t the Higher Power be gentle with me? I realized I needed to trust that the Higher Power would not beat me up in this process. My shortcomings would be removed in ways I did not understand, maybe not even see, and the removal would not happen all at once. A daily reading suggested that I stop worrying about my negative traits and focus on cultivating postive ones. I had my work. The Higher Power had “His.” Being humble meant being brave enough to give the Higher Power a chance and ask for this gift. I have to say that I never felt a knife cut me, I never felt a pain, and I never had to recover from any spiritual operation! Many of my shortcoming were removed because I asked–what painless surgery of the soul.

]]> By: Anna http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-402 Anna Fri, 23 Jul 2010 01:24:58 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-402 I am so very grateful for this website and podcast and comments and Step 7 today. It is a very hard day with my teen and being able to turn to program and not be alone, and be reminded to "Let Go and Let God" and "Keep it Simple" and First Things First" have helped me and continue to help me just get thru this day one moment at a time. it's okay not to even know the questions let alone what character defect this pain today relates to in me, but i know the depth of my pain is related to my family of origins' alcoholism. i feel so betrayed and embarrassed and i am glad my daughter has a HP and it is not all up to me. and "This Too Shall Pass" has been true and i know it will be true again. It's okay not to know, I'm not in control, I didn't cause this, can't control it, and can't cure it. I am taking care of myself today, doing what I need for me, and reaching out for help. This is very new behavior, and much better for me and my daughter than the old way of reacting. i haven't been great but I've done a much better job today. I am so very grateful for this website and podcast and comments and Step 7 today. It is a very hard day with my teen and being able to turn to program and not be alone, and be reminded to “Let Go and Let God” and “Keep it Simple” and First Things First” have helped me and continue to help me just get thru this day one moment at a time. it’s okay not to even know the questions let alone what character defect this pain today relates to in me, but i know the depth of my pain is related to my family of origins’ alcoholism. i feel so betrayed and embarrassed and i am glad my daughter has a HP and it is not all up to me. and “This Too Shall Pass” has been true and i know it will be true again. It’s okay not to know, I’m not in control, I didn’t cause this, can’t control it, and can’t cure it. I am taking care of myself today, doing what I need for me, and reaching out for help. This is very new behavior, and much better for me and my daughter than the old way of reacting. i haven’t been great but I’ve done a much better job today.

]]> By: Tarcila F. http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-387 Tarcila F. Sat, 17 Jul 2010 20:14:26 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-387 Humbly... means I recognize a power greater than myself. Humbly asked... that means I must be willing to accept an answer that may very likely be different than my own will. Humbly asked Him... means I am not the one in charge. Humbly asked Him to remove... I cannot remove my shortcomings. Humbly asked Him to remove our... I am not alone in this human condition of imperfection. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings... What I take as horrible deformities of character are in reality only shortcomings meaning I fell short of the mark. Now with the prinicples I have learned in Al-Anon, I know where the mark is. If I keep an open mind, and keep coming back to both the literature and to meetings, I will be able to hit the mark more often and I will fall short less and less. Humbly… means I recognize a power greater than myself.
Humbly asked… that means I must be willing to accept an answer that may very likely be different than my own will.
Humbly asked Him… means I am not the one in charge.
Humbly asked Him to remove… I cannot remove my shortcomings.
Humbly asked Him to remove our… I am not alone in this human condition of imperfection. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings… What I take as horrible deformities of character are in reality only shortcomings meaning I fell short of the mark. Now with the prinicples I have learned in Al-Anon, I know where the mark is. If I keep an open mind, and keep coming back to both the literature and to meetings, I will be able to hit the mark more often and I will fall short less and less.

]]> By: tren http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-376 tren Tue, 13 Jul 2010 06:21:17 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-376 STEP 7 was confusing to me , I guess the lights upstairs had not gone on yet LOL ! Humble I thought I was , anyone living with an alcoholic must be a saint ! and my perception was I would have brownie points when I died LOL ! Well I guess this is what was meant by DENIAL RUNS DEEP !!! LEARNING TO ASK MY HIGHER POWER FOR HELP WAS A START ! My shortcomings being where I fail to take action ..... If I fail to even ask my HP in EVERYDAY IN EVERYTHING ! I am in CONTROL not my HP .... people places & things are not the problem if I am DISTURBED and if I am upset I am trying to manage direct control fix etc.. these are my shortcomings . ME in charge is not good LOL !!!! SOO.... as soon as I get that knot in my stomach I ASK MY Higher Power to' show me what HE have me be ' or ' give me the courage ' or ' give me the words ' or just plain ' what do I do ? ' and watch for signs pointing the way . I dont always like the answers I get! I dont always understand them ! I just need to follow the signs , not easy LOL ! Someone gave me permission not to like what was being shown to me , thank GOD for her ... she said I just had to DO it ! Well because of that I was able to test her suggestion.... it WORKED ... imagine that. Someone else later simplified step 6 & step 7 and that is .... step 6 is '' we stop doing the things we like to do .." and step 7 " we start doing the things we Dont like to do ! " STEP 7 was confusing to me , I guess the lights upstairs had not gone on yet LOL ! Humble I thought I was , anyone living with an alcoholic must be a saint ! and my perception was I would have brownie points when I died LOL ! Well I guess this is what was meant by DENIAL RUNS DEEP !!!

LEARNING TO ASK MY HIGHER POWER FOR HELP WAS A START ! My shortcomings being where I fail to take action ….. If I fail to even ask my HP in EVERYDAY IN EVERYTHING ! I am in CONTROL not my HP …. people places & things are not the problem if I am DISTURBED and if I am upset I am trying to manage direct control fix etc.. these are my shortcomings . ME in charge is not good LOL !!!!

SOO…. as soon as I get that knot in my stomach I ASK MY Higher Power to’ show me what HE have me be ‘ or ‘ give me the courage ‘ or ‘ give me the words ‘ or just plain ‘ what do I do ? ‘ and watch for signs pointing the way .

I dont always like the answers I get! I dont always understand them ! I just need to follow the signs , not easy LOL ! Someone gave me permission not to like what was being shown to me , thank GOD for her … she said I just had to DO it ! Well because of that I was able to test her suggestion…. it WORKED … imagine that.

Someone else later simplified step 6 & step 7 and that is …. step 6 is ” we stop doing the things we like to do ..” and step 7 ” we start doing the things we Dont like to do ! “

]]> By: Betty Jean E. http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-374 Betty Jean E. Sun, 11 Jul 2010 18:41:16 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-374 By the first word humbly make the different if I am wondering why God is not helping me it could be that I did not ask and I think I can handle it myself. I have to accept that I am powerless and need my higher power to help me Freedom from these shortcomings I can learn a new way of thinking and doing. By the first word humbly make the different if I am wondering why God is not helping me it could be that I did not ask and I think I can handle it myself. I have to accept that I am powerless and need my higher power to help me Freedom from these shortcomings I can learn a new way of thinking and doing.

]]> By: Mary Beth http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-373 Mary Beth Sat, 10 Jul 2010 17:17:03 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-373 Just learning that I cannot remove my own short comings was a humbling experience in itself. I am so grateful that I CAN turn to my Higher Power and to the insights from other members to remove my short comings. I really appreciate how one speaker said character defects "get in the way of her relationship with God and other people." That particular statement means a lot to me. I strive to keep a close relationship with my Higher Power, every single day, but especially when that old familiar anxiety creeps in and I want to control what is going on around me. I ask God to help me accept my powerlessness, and to remove my need to "fix" situations in order to feel valued and loved. Just learning that I cannot remove my own short comings was a humbling experience in itself. I am so grateful that I CAN turn to my Higher Power and to the insights from other members to remove my short comings. I really appreciate how one speaker said character defects “get in the way of her relationship with God and other people.” That particular statement means a lot to me. I strive to keep a close relationship with my Higher Power, every single day, but especially when that old familiar anxiety creeps in and I want to control what is going on around me. I ask God to help me accept my powerlessness, and to remove my need to “fix” situations in order to feel valued and loved.

]]> By: Eileen http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-370 Eileen Tue, 06 Jul 2010 17:41:06 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-370 Humbly and humility were words I wasn't familiar with when I got to Al-Anon. I associated them with humiliation and I had been humiliated enough, thank you very much. My sponsor was a stickler for details and made me look them up in the dictionary. I finally understood that my demanding attitude wasn't getting me anywhere, but I didn't have to scrape and grovel either. All I had to do was take my character defects and shortcomings and ask for my Higher Power's help in finding a way to get rid of them. When I got to Al-Anon, asking for help from anybody wasn't easy, but eventually I learned that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but being demanding is! When I'm demanding, I'm still trying to be in control and be a know it all. When I ask for help, whether it's from my Higher Power or another Al-Anon, I am being humble. I am saying that not only do I not have all the answers, I don't even have all the questions yet! Humbly and humility were words I wasn’t familiar with when I got to Al-Anon. I associated them with humiliation and I had been humiliated enough, thank you very much. My sponsor was a stickler for details and made me look them up in the dictionary. I finally understood that my demanding attitude wasn’t getting me anywhere, but I didn’t have to scrape and grovel either. All I had to do was take my character defects and shortcomings and ask for my Higher Power’s help in finding a way to get rid of them. When I got to Al-Anon, asking for help from anybody wasn’t easy, but eventually I learned that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but being demanding is! When I’m demanding, I’m still trying to be in control and be a know it all. When I ask for help, whether it’s from my Higher Power or another Al-Anon, I am being humble. I am saying that not only do I not have all the answers, I don’t even have all the questions yet!

]]> By: Katherine http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/step-seven/comment-page-1#comment-360 Katherine Fri, 02 Jul 2010 15:47:10 +0000 http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/TheSteps/?p=48#comment-360 I am so grateful for this Step 7 podcast. I appreciate the honesty of your speakers. I met with my sponsor last night to work on Step 10 (finally got there!) and had a long talk about my self-righteousness. I am so judgmental! Obviously that is one of my character defects. We talked a long time about how to do my daily inventory, but it occurred to me while listening to this podcast that I can do Step 7 every night while doing my daily Step 10. Duh! I can go over my day and the shortcomings I exhibited or felt and humbly ask God to remove them. I can do Step 7 daily. Thank you for this opportunity to share. Raleigh, NC I am so grateful for this Step 7 podcast. I appreciate the honesty of your speakers. I met with my sponsor last night to work on Step 10 (finally got there!) and had a long talk about my self-righteousness. I am so judgmental! Obviously that is one of my character defects. We talked a long time about how to do my daily inventory, but it occurred to me while listening to this podcast that I can do Step 7 every night while doing my daily Step 10. Duh! I can go over my day and the shortcomings I exhibited or felt and humbly ask God to remove them. I can do Step 7 daily.

Thank you for this opportunity to share.

Raleigh, NC

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