Becoming completely unreasonable and even having the feeling I was loosing my mind, from time to time, was often my reality prior to my coming to Al-Anon. I was always ready to get in «reaction mode» when facing the alcoholics in my life and sometimes other people as well. The drinking of alcohol was always an irritating and provoking occasion, bringing about senseless words and irrational behaviour. Controlling my absurd behaviour had become almost impossible and I didn’t like who I had become.

Not too long after my coming to Al-Anon, I realized that I had too often been unreasonable. I had been unable to show good sense, wisdom, balance and careful consideration in many occasions. I couldn’t deny any of this, the facts and actions speaking loud and clear.

The notion of a Higher Power was harder for me to grasp. However, the inspiring concept that all I had to do was to believe was comforting. This allowed me to test the various avenues and gradually learn to trust the process, as my sanity was gradually restored.

Today, the trust I have in this Higher Power allows me to live in a sensible, reasonable and sane way if I humbly ask to be guided and supported in my choices.

The invisible line between what is reasonable and unreasonable is sometimes very thin, but with my Higher Power at my side, I give myself today the quality of life I deserve by making good choices.

At first glance this step, for me, seemed both easy and obvious. Yes, I believe in God and No, I am not insane. I would have stated this the first time I crossed the threshold of Al-Anon had I been interviewed. Looking back now the truth wasn’t so easy and obvious. If insanity is trying to control the behavior of others and failing, then I was insane. I now realize that “insanity” means more than being bound in a strait-jacket sitting in a padded cell. If having a belief in God but leaving no space within which He could touch my life was a form of faith, then I was an A1 disciple. Prior to Al-Anon I honestly felt that God had more important things to do. As a faithful servant I would take care of my life leaving God more time to help others in far more need. What pride! I was taught that if at first you don’t succeed then try, try again. Giving up was not an option. If I was failing in any aspect in my life then I just needed to put in more effort. Increase the volume. On top of this, in the wake of wars, famines, tsunami’s, terrorism, recession, why on earth would God find time for me?
Through the program I am now beginning to understand that sanity involves accepting that my Higher Power can and wants to work in MY life. That the turning over of my life to a power greater than myself is crucial in restoring me to sanity. So much of this process involves restraint, stepping back, and allowing the God of my understanding to gently lead me back into my box. God paints a masterpiece in my life when I step back and I just need to remember what my painting ended up looking like…..(not something that would be hung in the Guggenheim, for sure)! What I find really disarming is when I do exercise wise restraint and step back the sheer speed at which my Higher Power moves in to my life. I find that experience scary (in a good way) but it also feels very alien, very new, very unfamiliar. It is a way of life that I have never experienced before and while it has only brought goodness, gentleness, joy and peace it still feels a bit like wearing new shoes…painful but good

WOW, what an incredible gift of the Grace of God to come to believe in a loving power greater that what I ONCE only knew as the power of violence and control by my alcoholic insane parent. What an incredible gift to be restored to the sanity of a clear mind and warm heart! What a treasure to know that the arms of Al-Anon created a vessel in which I could find this loving power. I did indeed come to believe over time and what an honor to keep coming back year after year to share my experience, strength and hope to another needing to come to believe. Thank-you God and Thank-you Al-Anon members who Keep Coming Back.

I have suffered through 13 years trying to control the alcoholics in my life and trying to take care of everybody, all in vain. I realise now that I am completely powerless, I cannot control other people and situations. I can only control myself.

This week I have done the first two steps of Al-non and I would like to tell someone, anyone out there that I have accepted my powerless to the situation and I have come to believe that God will restore me to sanity.

I quote from Cindy:

Step One encouraged me to surrender a battle I could not win. Step Two shows me how to use my energies and my intellect to focus on the Power that CAN and WILL make a difference in my sanity.

I did catch onto the slogan “Let go & let God.” That saved me so many times, & still does. It is so comforting to know God is there, He cares, but He does not operate us like puppets. He gave us the power to make our own decisions.

I finally took the leap, & made my decision to turn my life, & my whole will over to Him, one day at a time. It keeps me out of a lot of self-pity, worry, and control isses. More than 30 yrs later in alanon, I still use this step often, in many different situations. My life has become immensily better.

Through the program, I have been able to re-define the God of my understanding as a loving God, with a LOVE that is so vast and so deep, that it is like being surrounded by the ocean that stretches out to the horizon – as far as my eyes can see and beyond – a love of unimaginable depths that continually washes over me, just as the waves constantly wash up on the sands, always, always, always reaching out to me.

Loving detachment with the alcoholics who are destroying themselves before my eyes, has also allowed me to come to terms with those people I care about “going to hell.” I have learned that I can have compassion for others, without being drawn in to “saving” or rescuing them. It is insane to try to rescue someone from a disease they are suffering from – like trying to drag a 300 lb cat out of a burning building while the cat is scratching and clawing all the way & the minute the cat gets free of my steely grip, he runs back into the burning building.

The only way I can “help” anyone is by living my program to the best of my ability – without smug self-righteousness – allowing them the freedom to make their own choices, remembering that we are all children of that loving God & that it is ME who has to learn a lesson here – from the alcoholic, through the family disease of alcoholism.

The opposing attorney asked, “Are you insane?” Al-Anon taught me insanity was doing the same thing again and again expecting different results. If I used the Al-Anon definition, I was definitely insane. I had done the same thing again and again expecting different results with my wife and the court. I appeared in court six times over two years expecting things to improve and each time things got worse.

I had to think. Should I apply the legal definition of insanity, the medical definition of insanity, or the Al-Anon definition of insanity? All these thoughts were going through my head and I had not answered the question, yet. I concluded no matter how I answered I would come out on the losing end of things. If I’m insane they send me to an insane asylum. If I am not insane, they demand more money and property from me. If I use the Al-Anon definition, they will consider me insane and incompetent.

Another thought came to me. If I am insane, shouldn’t they be asking someone else this question? Ultimately what I was experiencing was insane.

I finally told the court I did not know how to answer the question. No one pushed me further on the issue.

I’ve learned since then that growing up in an alcoholic home and living in the family disease of alcoholism is an insane circumstance, it doesn’t make me insane.

Step Two gave me hope. God restored my sanity. The difficult circumstances of divorce did not change, but my mental, emotional and spiritual abilities did. I found sanity, peace and serenity in my life, thanks to Al-Anon.

If I can Let Go and Let God (as I call my HP), I find that things often fall into place, and work out so much better than if I’d tried to run the show. I am so thankful for the member who reminded me that my entire life prior to Al-Anon hadn’t been “insane” and that there was enough sanity in my past for my HP to work with.

Last week, a dear friend’s brother died suddenly an unexpectedly – he was fit; had no underlying health conditions; was not aged. I spent a fair amount of time with my grieving friend this past weekend: The only thing I could do for her was show up (and stay in conscious contact with my Higher Power).

I am face-to-face with the fragility of life, and I don’t like it – my sick thinking believes that if everyone I loved had an expiration date, I could somehow prepare myself for the pain of loss. I did not know my friend’s brother, but I found myself shaken, anxious, and crying the evening after the funeral, the next day, the next evening. I was unable to stay asleep for more than an hour at a time. I was terrified and reacting with old, fearful behaviors – withdrawing from others in a deluded attempt to keep my heart from any future breaking. My life had become unmanageable.

I’m grateful that Al-Anon has taught me to use Step Two. I did something else: I read all of the indexed readings on “fear” in Hope for Today, and I called two friends in the fellowship. The next day, I went somewhere else: to meet with my sponsor and later to have dinner with two other friends in the fellowship.

Today, I have hope, because others are able to accept the unpredictability of life and loss. Today I can look beyond myself for answers – to my Higher Power, the Al-Anon program, meetings, my sponsor, the literature, and other members of our fellowship. Today, I am a little less afraid and a little more trusting that my Higher Power will restore me to sanity (again).

Before I found Al-Anon and worked the Twelve Steps, I felt like a victim. I thought other people had success and happiness because they were lucky, or blessed by fate, and that I was doomed because I had been cheated by life; I was too unacceptable to ever be lucky or blessed. Actually, I had a lot going for me, but my attitude kept me from realizing it. This is a kind of insanity.

I was unable to tell what behavior was sane and what was insane. Because of this, I got into dangerous situations that were not in my best interest. I accepted bad behavior in myself and others.

Another mistaken belief that affected me was thinking that I had to figure out everything on my own, that there was no help available to me. I had often felt powerless, so I didn’t have trouble accepting that there was a power greater than myself. In fact, I thought absolutely everything and everyone had more power than I did. I was a doormat.

When I started attending Al-Anon meetings, I met people whose lives had been much more unmanageable than mine, but who had worked the Twelve Steps and who had found a better way to live. I could see that they had been changed by the process, and this helped me “come to believe.” I went to a lot of speaker meetings in order to find hope for myself.

Members told me, “there is a god and you are not it.” They said I could use the group as a higher power if I didn’t have one. They offered to “lend” me their higher power. The thing that I found most helpful was the suggestion that, whether I believed it or not, I could act as if there was a loving, spiritual power that would help me, and that this would be just as effective as if I did believe.

Step Two is important to me every day. I can so easily forget that there is a spiritual power that can help me. I can forget that my thinking is distorted. Step Two reminds me to watch carefully what I choose to believe.

In looking back at all the addicts I have loved, I see a pattern of trying to find someone who could tell me who to be, how to be, what to do, so that I could be happy at last. I could never have stayed with the drunk, violent father of my children for 14 years, had I not still been grasping for that elusive, illusory “answer” to it all. It seems to me now that I was trying to work some kind of spell: house+ husband+ children= “happiness.” Someone else making the decisions, even when I groused about them, I thought would relieve me of the responsibility for my own pain.

I have been locked up. I have been desperate and tried to take my own life. I have received a lot of outpatient therapy and enjoyed some excellent counselors. As I slowly began to come out of the horrible burning pit of my insanity and despair, I realized that insanity was a rampant form of selfishness. I was so self-involved in manufacturing and maintaining my pain that I couldn’t get outside my own head.

Sanity means that I can find some peace in any situation. It means I can practice simply daily duties that will improve each day and accumulate grace over time. Sanity means humility, the knowledge that my will, my solutions, my desires are not paramount in this world and will not bring me the happiness I crave. Sanity is the belief that “no situation is too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened” and that this is enough.

There was a moment when I was conscious of seeking, asking, questioning the meaning of my life, and receiving the answer quietly inside: “What would your life be like if you had the answer?” Realizing that the “answer” is the journey, it is the seeking, it is the questioning.

I am not only religious but spiritual, but that does not mean I’m intelligent in my practices. I find I am often misguided and usually it is by mself. I pray all the time, but I don’t know what to ask. I ask God to help my spouse and to restore him to the man I know him to be. I ask God to save myself and save him. I get my head to involved in the heart and I find myself asking “How do you let your soulmate suffer?” How can I just walk away? He is the one I meant to spend my life with and I took a vow to love, honor and cherish. Part of the insanity is staying and not assigning responsibility to him as a part of this relationship. I’ve prayed to God to restore myself. I know I cannot “fix” or control the situation anymore or my husband’s choices. I cannot allow my life to pass by while my husband tries to figure out his. I pray to leave this situation behind regardless of if it means to stay with him or not.

Eleanor Roosevelt has a prayer/poem with a couple of the lines, “Draw us from base content and set our eyes on far off goals. Keep us at tasks too hard for us that we may be driven to Thee for strength.” I’ve drawn so much strength from these lines, but I find my method of trying to enact these lines misdirects and my controlling nature takes over. In turn, that sends me into an insanity that I cannot handle. I get so involved and play out so many strategies that I forget the part of allowing God to take over.

I recently left home to go work in a foreign country. Many or my family and friends told me that I shouldn’t, that I had to face my problems. They told me to remain home. But, whole heartedly and still I believe I did the best thing for me. I left. I will have to return, but I left the problem where it was with my husband. I said a prayer, I prayed with him. I prayed with other people, but I left. Wouldn’t you know it, part of the problem followed me! I can say that with excitement, because I know that part of the problem will always be with me. I feel as if I lost a part of myself when my husband took up the bottle and never put it down. I was robbed of my dreams, my inspirations and my hopes of a family. I cannot alllow my failures to hold me back from asking God to help. And I have. I don’t know where that is going to leave me. I have no idea if I will have the dreams met that I dreamt up for us or for me. I have to let those things go. I wanted to be successful and be married to someone equally successful and full of energy. I’m drained and I haven’t seen my husband try anything for awhile without being pushed. His parents and eeveryone have always handed him everything and then I stepped in and did the same thing.

It wouldn’t have mattered if I would have married another man, I think I would have made the same mistake. I would have married someone that I had to take care of. I was wrong. I apologize to God, to my husband and the other family and friends that I have shared a codependency with. It was wrong of me. It was wrong. I’ve enabled a lot of behaviour and took on a lot of problems that weren’t mine to own. I cannot fix the world or anyone else.

God, I ask you to keep me at tasks bigger than myself so I must rely on you, but I pray to know when I need to step back and allow you to make the call. That is and should remain my deepest prayer.

It took a long time to apply Step Two in my life. I have always believed in God. A power greater than myslf was quite a different concept to me. But the more I thought about it, of course, God is indeed a power greater than myself.

Whoa…! I put the brakes on when it came to the phrase: “could return me to sanity.” Me insane? I agonized over this for awhile, then looked up the word in my dictionary. It says: “the absence of reality.” After more reasoning about this, I had to agree that I had not faced the reality of what was happening in my life. I had stuffed all the hurts, resentments and angers I accumulated during the drinking years, and even some before that. This is what made me so sick without realizing it until I got into Al-Anon after my husband joined Alcoholics Anonymous.

When I became more honest with myself I realized I was not the “near perfect” person I thought I was. Many of my actions were not reaIistic. I asked for God’s to help me become a more loving, respectful and trusting person. Above all I asked God to help me be more accepting of people different from me.

There were many other problems I discovered and tried to correct by really believing that a power greater than myself could return me to sanity/reality. But I have to do my part in recognizing any misconceptions about situations in my life. By doing this I feel much better about myself. I would never been blessed in this way without putting Al-Anon to work in my life.
Anonymous, Northern California

Believing that there was a power greater than myself was really not that hard. All I had to do was look around to see the mess my life was in- to know that there really had to be a power greater than me! But… I needed to be restored to sanity? I had a great deal of difficulty with Step Two, especially with the second part of this step.

So, first things first! In Step Two, we are invited to explore our relationship with a power greater than ourselves- our Higher Power. I was not sure who or what my Higher Power was. I had not been raised in a religious home: my parents were either atheists or agnostics. I was taught to be self-reliant and that no one would take care of me but myself. Honestly, I was not very comfortable with the word G-o-d. I did not understand why everyone in the Al-Anon group seemed so happy, but they all had Higher Powers- so I wanted one, too! At first, I think that I relied on the Al-Anon group as my Higher Power. I liked the way we opened every meeting with the Serenity Prayer and I noticed that I always felt better- more connected- after a meeting. We held hands and prayed at the end. My sponsor encouraged me to start reciting the Serenity Prayer and it helped! She said that I did not have to believe in God to pray. I could just “act as if” I believed. I felt better when I said the Serenity Prayer during stressful times. I also liked a phrase I had heard during my childhood “Thy Will be done.”

My sponsor showed me that we can define our God any way we like. We do not have to automatically accept the God we learned about as children, as the God of our understanding today. She asked me to list all the qualities a perfect Higher Power would have. This exercise helped me gradually come to believe in my Higher Power as a best friend, a power that I could always turn to, a God who loves me completely and unconditionally- just the way I am! What a gift!

Now I could see that my behavior had contributed to the chaos in my home. Trying over and over again to control anyone’s behavior- much less an alcoholic’s- and expecting things to be different was a form of insanity. I started to see that I lived my life in a strange form of denial. I did not really see things clearly. I was so focused on the alcoholic and the other crazy people in my life, that I did not see my part in the “merry-go-round of denial.“

Today, I believe in a loving Higher Power that I choose to call God. I cherish this loving friend and partner and connect with Him on a daily basis. I trust that He will never leave me. All is well in my life today. Thank you God for Al-Anon! ls

Thank – You
Al-non

It took a while for me to find a higher power of my own understanding (which has now transformed into a higher power that I may never understand but hopefully understands me).

I travelled a long road in the Al-Anon program to find serenity and peace and hope and then crisis hit and it felt as though it was all ripped away from me.

Because of this loving program I know that there truly is “no situation to difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness to great to be lessened.” I did come to believe that there was something bigger than me, something that could restore not only my sanity but also my faith and serenity. This is what gives me comfort now as I grieve my loss. I know the way back….I wouldn’t be able to say that without this program.

In a step meeting I recently attended a dear friend shared her thoughts on step one and two. ‘Admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable UNTIL we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.’ This made me realize (even more-so) that I have a choice. Sanity/serenity/faith/peace/courage….they aren’t prizes that our higher power hands out randomly, they are gifts that we are offered and we have a choice of whether or not to accept them.

What I have begun to truly embrace with my heart is the feeling of “we” this is a communal program. I am no longer alone. I no longer am attempting to do it harder, faster, more efficiently and all the time feeling it wasn’t ever good or perfect enough anyway.

Now I am free because I am part of a “we” that is seeking to lovingly embrace sanity one step, one breath, one loving thankful choice at a time.

The Power that is within me is forever telling me: YES, you are restored dear. YES, you belong. YES, you are suitable, loveable and YES you are now safe and apart of a loving non-critical family.

I am thanking you all, my Al-Anon family for a sense of belonging to circles where I am safe to “be” and in my own willingness to believe in something greater than my self I am consistently given the priceless gift of Serenity. Thank you for all I am perpetually gifted by accepting my place ODAT in these lovely spiritual AFG’s. Amen.

Came to Believe – The “miracle” through which I am awakened to a new reality,
That – the pivot on which my reality turns from hopelessness to recovery,
A Power – the Love that I find in the rooms of Al-Anon,
Greater Than – the measure of which surpasses my humble understandings,
Ourselves – the ego that had me struggling just to survive,
Could Restore – the ability to transform me to a new reality,
Us – in our fellowship I never have to be alone again in the clutches of this disease,
To Sanity – a life filled with love, hope, patience, serenity, peace, goodwill, enthusiasm, courage, and God !

For me in reading and committing my life to practicing Step Two, I experience a conversion to a spirit-filled life beyond my wildest imaginings.

Life was unmanageable then as it can be today. To be restored to sanity is to experience life free of fear. This was not happening for me. It is a short coming, a character defect that grips my spirit. And in it, I continued to experience life as unmanageable. With Step Two my healing begins. What stood out for me in my recent reading from “Paths…” was the promise that my belief in a Higher Power could restore beauty, love, serenity and sanity to my life.

I do experience beauty and love, but serenity and sanity were still illusive. Their absence was an inside job. In reading “ from Survival to Recover” I learned about one of those defects, perfectionism. It too is fueled by my fear. Freedom from perfectionism and fear would also allow “recreation, enthusiasm, and delight” into my life.

Al-Anon has the power to change me. Attending meetings, reading CAL literature, and deepening my belief in the God of my understanding by working the Steps has the power to change me. Recently, I have found that I can let go of fear. I can let go and let God. Al-Anon has the power to change me on the inside, and to restore serenity, sanity, enthusiasm and delight to my life.

If I don’t seek closer contact with God, then I am probably not going to be restored to sanity; or at the very least, the restoration of my sanity may be minimal, not enough to do much good. A POWER without prayer and meditation is meaningless.

has help me learn to let go. I use my Higher Power to help me stay focused that I am never alone in this journey. When I get “insane” over the circumstances in my life I lean hard on my Higher Power and when things are going well I continue to utilize my Higher Power to continue to strengthen myself.

My meeting tonight was on Step 2 and I learned that we all share this “insanity”. When I first
came into the program I thought it was the alcoholic who was insane and I was the one with
all the right answers. It took me a long time going to meetings, listening and just absorbing
the program to get past my “attitude”.
“Insanity” is defined as “doing the same thing over and over again expecting to achieve a different result”.
I did this for years but before Al Anon I just didn’t get it. I kept on making all the same
mistakes thinking that if I just got it right – I could fix this. Then came Al Anon and my
realization of just what I had been doing. Beating myself up over things I just had no control
over.
Through Al Anon, the Steps, Traditions and Slogans, I have “come to” and realized I can’t
Control it, I can’t Cure it, I can’t Change it and I didn’t Cause it. My 4 C’s. Every day I repeat
this to myself, in not only the Alcoholism part of my life, but in all aspects. It keeps my head
in the right space and I have ceased (for the most part) obsessing over things I have no
business being a part of. It’s just not my stuff – as someone said to me once – “It’s not my dog”
I don’t have to control those things that don’t belong to me. What a freedom that has given me.
Thank you Al Anon.

Today I know that thinking I had the POWER to control or fix anything or anyone is absolutely an insane thought process. I wasn’t bad. Far from it. My Higher Power and I know just how hard I tried to make things better, on my own. Thanks to alanon and the steps, I now know that living with the disease of alanon is too much for me to handle on my own. I need this fellowship and a Higher Power to help me to learn a new, healthier, saner way of life.

I recognize the insanity in my life today and that is tremendous progress. Because, when I see it coming, I now have the tools from recovery to help me. I am no longer alone, fighting the battle against alcoholism silently, while presenting a “got-it-all-together” face to the public. I am among people who have walked these step and understand, like no-one else can, the frustration, fear and insanity of living with this disease.

I have learned in recovery that I can be sane, no matter what the alcoholics in my life are doing. That I am not in charge of everyone and everything. They have their own Higher Powers (and I may have, in fact, been taking away their dignity and standing in the way of their own growth and recovery). There is a loving power, much greater than myself, who raises the sun each morning and sets it again at night, without any help from me. I can rely on that power 100% of the time. It has been my experience that each and everytime I ask my Higher Power for help, the help shows up.

That is why I firmly believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity.

This phrase may sound very abstract but in fact it is a very practical “Stop Sign” for me to use when I feel compelled or driven to try to fix others, manage a situation, or to deny my feelings in a given situation.

Step Two re-orients my mind from “I-have-to-try-harder” to seeking help from a Higher Power.

Many times that Higher Power’s guidance will come in the voice of an Al-Anon member, in a book that leaps off a shelf into my hands. Sometimes I hear it in a song lyric, or it bubbles up into my mind when I have quieted myself in prayer and meditation.

Step One encouraged me to surrender a battle I could not win. Step Two shows me how to use my energies and my intellect to focus on the Power that CAN and WILL make a difference in my sanity.