Apr 03 2013

Using Step Four

Published by at 7:57 am under Using the Steps

“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

Welcome to Using Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps in Our Personal Lives from Al-Anon Family Groups. This is a series of podcasts to discuss how Al-Anon members use the basic principles of Al-Anon.

Today we’re going to ask Al-Anon members how they used StepĀ Four to help them overcome the impacts of a loved one’s drinking.

How to locate an Al-AnonĀ meeting


The following tags are aids to navigation for other podcasts in this series.


6 comments on “Using Step Four”

  1. Jenn S says:

    When I first entered the rooms, the last thing I wanted to hear was that I needed work. What was wrong with me? I’m not the alcoholic. I worked Steps 1, 2, and 3 really hard with my sponsor. I discovered my role in my dysfunctional relationship with the alcoholic. I became open to learning about myself. Sooner, rather than later, I began looking forward to working Step 4 with my sponsor.

    I am well underway and I have learned a lot about myself. There is still much more to be uncovered. This new understanding of myself has helped me with the way I act and react with my loved ones.

  2. Bruce says:

    Thanks to the ones who left messages before me, as I am just beginning my 4th Step, and I was inspired as well as informed by visiting this page. Wish me luck!

  3. KC says:

    I could see my big, glaring defects of character. It was those shades of grey I had trouble with–when was I excusing my anger, and when was my anger justified? Was I really reacting out of fear, or just out of habit, when my loved ones would upset me? Was my insecurity necessary or could I see my good points and restrict how often I felt paralyzed by it?

    Step 4 also brought me face-to-face with how much I avoided all conflict, and why. Then I could see my avoidance for what it really was, and start standing up for what I believed in. And now, many years and many sponsees later, I can see that these and many more such questions are core issues, and a loving sponsor/sponsee relationship is an absolute MUST to see through to the truth of how habitual my negativity, anger, fear and insecurity had become.

  4. Judy E. says:

    I remember reading in our Conference Approved Literature about a grocer taking inventory of his store shelves–what needed to be reordered, what was in abundant supply, what was a good product and what needed to be discontinued. To me that is exactly what I discovered when I worked on my Step 4. The first time I worked Step 4, my sponsor had me write a list of my defaults (that was easy) and had me write an equally long list of my assets and talents (that was hard!). I was always quick to criticize myself and others, but I rarely recognized my assets or gave compliments to others. I loved that this Step helped me find some balance–to recognize my defaults and to learn to appreciate my assets.

  5. Sandi C says:

    A lot of people say they are scared to start Step 4. I was elated when I got to it. It was long and tedious, but it helped me to continue on my path to put the past in the past and move forward in a healthier lifestyle.

  6. Rose M says:

    The first time I did the 4th Step I was with my sponsor. I was fearful. She pointed out to me that I had good qualities too. I needed to hear that. I also have done a 4th Step with other Al-Anon people once every other week using the Blue Print for Progress workbook. It was great to realize how the 4th Step brings out the honesty in each of us & gives me the courage to change.

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