Sep 01 2013

Using Step Nine

Published by at 1:03 pm under Using the Steps

“Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

Welcome to Using Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps in Our Personal Lives from Al-Anon Family Groups. This is a series of podcasts to discuss how Al-Anon members use the basic principles of Al-Anon.

Today we’re going to ask Al-Anon members how they used Step┬áNine to help them overcome the impacts of a loved one’s drinking.

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8 comments

8 comments on “Using Step Nine”

  1. Don S says:

    I am an adult child of an alcoholic and an alcoholic, but the vast bulk of my amends spring from the habits I learned growing up in a wildly dysfunctional and abusive family. My mother, the co-dependent, was enraged and on a terror 24/7. I have composed a draft letter to my first former wife. I was emotionally isolated during our entire 14 years. She could just as well married a zombie. She deserved much better. I also let my affections stray towards the end of the marriage (I was sexually faithful, but not anywhere close emotionally). For 25 years I thought I was justified in leaving the marriage, but I’ve come to realize that I never joined it in the first place. And for that and my unfaithful emotions I need to take ownership and make amends.

  2. Flinche says:

    I’m so happy to hear these stories. I’m having a very hard time with my alcoholic/drug-addicted family member. I keep listening to all the Steps over & over till I feel that I get them.

    My husband and I went to our first Al-Anon meeting last year and never went back :(. Hoping to find a meeting to join soon. We really need them, especially a sponsor.

  3. holly says:

    My best friend/lover/not sure what to call him at this point is in an outpatient rehab in another state and I’m not sure if he is coming back, if I should be going to meetings to understand, or I just need to move on. No signs are clear at this point.

  4. Sandi C says:

    I have made direct amends to each of my children several times. They are also in the program and I thought they understood. It is sad to me that they do not get the Steps, but I can only take care of my side of the street. I think my daughter understands it more now that she is a mother, but I sometimes wonder if the fences will every be mended.

    So they get to hold their resentments and I get peace, joy, and serenity. Truthfully, I feel sorry for them as I know how much pain resentment can cause your own personal self.

    This program really works for me and I am forever grateful.

  5. Linda B says:

    Doing the 9th Step with my sponsor’s help gave me freedom. It allowed me to forget many slights and hurts that filled my mind so that I could fill it with joy. It allowed me to be more fun for all the people in my life and not expect so much of people outside the program. People like to see me today, which still surprises me and is a true gift of the program.

  6. Ginger says:

    I am chairing a meeting on Step Nine this week and I found the podcast very helpful in the input and new thoughts on that Step. Thank you.

  7. Nancy says:

    I have made amends many times to my children only to find out it made no difference to my daughter. She has disowned me as her mother, leaving me to wonder about our future.

  8. mark says:

    Thank you so much. This is where I’m at in the Steps.

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