Mar 01 2013

Using Step Three

Published by at 2:55 pm under Using the Steps

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”

Welcome to Using Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps in Our Personal Lives from Al-Anon Family Groups. This is a series of podcasts to discuss how Al-Anon members use the basic principles of Al-Anon.

Today we’re going to ask Al-Anon members how they used Step Three to help them overcome the impacts of a loved one’s drinking.

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12 comments on “Using Step Three”

  1. Kay says:

    In crisis, calm instead of chaos is a choice. These 4 Cs help me stay focused on my healthy boundaries for the good of all those around me. I like to pray early in the day, “All I want to know today is your will for my life and your power to carry that out.”

    At night I enjoy praying, “Thank you for showing me your will for my life today and thank you for your power helping me to do it.” Throughout my day I find these 4 Cs remind me I don’t have to live in crisis anymore and, when I feel challenged, I can choose to remain calm in someone else’s chaos.

  2. Wandy says:

    I also was able to feel love for my husband again. I was feeling a lot of anger and resentment and sometimes hatred toward him, and then I felt guilty for feeling that way. Al-Anon has changed me for the better. I see myself growing each day.

    I smiled at the coffee story. A little kindness can go a long way. I’m starting to trust again, and I will admit letting go is very hard–I sometimes have to remind myself, but it’s getting easier. Love to all.

  3. Lu says:

    I value hearing others’ experiences, but I think in terms of equal representation, it would be helpful to hear someone who does not define their HP as “god.” There are so many alternative belief systems out there that are just as viable.

  4. John says:

    This is very well done. What comes across is a simple, from-the-heart reality that applies to my own situation. Powerful and inspired.

  5. Sharon says:

    Thank you for the podcast; I am new to Al-Anon. I started my own group in a small Alaskan village after recognizing my own need and the needs of others. It’s been good and I have so much to learn. I am not where I need to be, but I am not where I was, either–in despair and depression. I am thankful for Al-Anon and the principles and teachings that have brought sanity back into my life, despite the drinking that still exists.

  6. Jenni W says:

    I was feeling desperate this morning–like I needed to go upstairs right now and tell my husband how he is destroying our lives and how I don’t feel loved by him and that I don’t understand how he can be so uncaring, etc., etc., etc.

    I am so grateful that I “stumbled” onto this podcast just now. I don’t believe I really stumbled–I believe it is my higher power offering the help I need, just the words I need to hear. I must admit that I am holding onto this will of mine. If I get help then my husband will realize that he needs help too. Guess what? That’s not happening!! Surprise, surprise. Maybe it’s because I am still exerting my will and not letting my higher power take the reins.

    The coffee story is just what I need to hear. I need to treat my husband as a child of God and myself too. If I am being honest, the way I treat my husband and myself as well is just harsh. I am still trying to manipulate what happens in my relationship with my husband because I am so scared that I will be hurt by him. Fear is so powerful in my life. I am trying to learn to trust my higher power. Why not just give it a try, right? That is something I have never truly done, completely trusted in that power.

  7. Laurie says:

    I so appreciate the podcasts, listening to the narrator’s voice and hearing the members’ sharings. I mention the podcasts in my home group meeting, along with other podcasts available on the members’ website.

    I try to remind myself of the first three Steps each morning, but recently I realized that I somewhat automatically turn my life and my will over to the care of my Higher Power without really feeling the CARE that the Third Step holds. I know I am always guided, but feeling the caring makes me more likely to realize that each event of my day happens because of that care.

  8. Ben r. says:

    Wow, love the podcast idea and love the sharing. I heard a lot of humility and perseverance in the coffee story. When I first came to the program six years ago I wanted all my problems to disappear overnight. Plus because my primary spiritual malady is trying to control what I cannot, I thought that it was my job to make them disappear!!!

    Thank you, Al-Anon, for suggesting that I not make any major decisions for a year. That first year provided me with a loving and supportive foundation for real recovery to set in. Today I know that there are no quick fixes in my life, but only a steady path that other members of our loving fellowship invite me to walk down with them.

  9. Holly says:

    Thank you for the podcasts and comments. I learn something each month. Step 3 is the first time I realized and accepted that I am a beloved child of my Higher Power and I am worthy of His Grace.

  10. Sari says:

    I really like the calm and clarity in the voices here.

  11. Connie says:

    I am always amazed at how God brings things to me–what I need when I need it. The comment made in this podcast, “No one needed to change in order for me to get better,” was something I needed to hear today and will keep for life. Thank you.

  12. Judy E. says:

    Thank you, Al-Anon, for posting these podcasts on the Steps. These give me little 7 minute meetings. Step Three gave me the opportunity to learn how to trust my Higher Power. The Step says, “…turn our will and our lives over to the care of God…” The word “care” helped to remind me that “care” is gentle, kind, loving, and careful.

    When I was first learning the Steps, my god was judgmental, harsh, and scary. I didn’t trust that God would do things the way I wanted them done. When I finally tried this Step–made a DECISION to try this Step–I found that a weight had lifted off of my shoulders. I didn’t have to use my energy to fix the chaos in my life and in my home. I could focus on myself, and my needs for health and well-being. I finally learned to trust my Higher Power. Sure, I try to take back control some days, but I can always return it to the care of God at any time.

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